tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-33672463143191476502024-03-19T14:43:51.629+05:00Hunger and Haw HaiBlogging from Lahore, Pakistan about simple food, a complex life, and idle chatter about things that make me go hmmm?Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger68125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-34567506152010477382019-03-18T15:23:00.000+05:002019-03-18T17:17:49.208+05:00THE IT-LIST VS. THE SHIT-LIST<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<b><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">High school was hard, na? Gossip. Petty politics. Awkward fashion. Hideous hair. Moochein and eyebros. Your “rep”. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Popular people with their cryptic codes of conduct</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. And that shiny little shit, peer pressure — more potent, more powerful, more persuasive than any parent on the planet, shoving straight-A smart-asses into shenanigans so lame there was really no other place to land except neck-deep in a steaming pile of poop</span></b></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I mean, Dina and Zoha caught egging the Aitchison Head Boy’s house, BY THE AITCHISON HEAD BOY! As if black bras under those white uniforms weren’t an option? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Kulsoom consecutively dumb-calling Faizee 34 times in 20 minutes? The only reason that stupid stalker didn’t make it to the 35th was because HE CALLED HER BACK TO TELL HER HE HAD GODDAMN CALLER ID! Variety is the spice of life, nun-kebab…as if pretend-crumpling and trashing those phone number chits boys threw at your lunch table wasn’t the way to go? </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">And then there were Humiliation Hall-of-Famers, Peejoo and Jazzy. Everyone swooned and waowed when they decided to elope, until those bloody buffoons were INTERECEPTED BY THEIR FAMILIES AT THE DAEWOO KA ADDA! Dude, for real?! Leaving town for some premarital nookie? Were all their cool friends with huge empty houses and parents who were always out of town dead? Literally, for fuck’s sake, get a guestroom! Frickin’ fools didn’t even make it past Kalma Chowk and their entire lives went to shit. He, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Allah ma</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ara, got expelled and had his admission to Ohio Wesleyan rescinded. And Peejoo? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Nikkah-o-fied</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to her </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">paindoo </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">phupi’s</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">son — TOTAL runs-a-convenience-store-only-speaks-thait-Punjabi-or-Brad-Ford-Ka-Mirpuriya-wali-English type cheapster — and shipped off to the Yoo-Kay.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Seriously! How did these godforsaken </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">gaddhas</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> survive such absolutely unnecessary antics? No, really, how? Wasn’t it obvious conformity was the key to the cool crowd’s kingdom? I mean, look at me! Faithfully following Farah Qamarqas’s footsteps, I just forced Papa to fly the entire class to Paris right before student council elections and…TA-DAH!</span></i></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Khair, Praise the good Lord, two decades later, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">zamana</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> has totally changed, like, smartphones and social media, right? But those individuality obsessed idiots? Same to same. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Saalay, dungar, waheen kay waheen — </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">still stuck reliving the same </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">museebat-khana</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, except now they’re convinced kindness and Facebook score fans and followers. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">FML, you f*ckwits! It’s always been the same ol’ shizz — social standards.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">It’s true. Even turds can make it to the top…if they’d just open those eyes and ears and follow the goddamn rules. I mean, viewer discretion advised, the Elite It-List is constantly evolving and totally arbitrary, and may leave the brain perpetually screaming WTAF. And keeping up can easily bust bank accounts, which means you’re broke AF too. Plus, there’s no way to ever be 100% sure you’re doing the right thing. And endless nights curled in the fetal position crying? Totally normal. Not to mention the random hoes and bros baa-baa-ing at you, because, sheep, right? But, as Mama always says, </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">fukras</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> shouldn’t be </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">na-shukras</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">I have good news, though. I’m not a</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> kanjoos-makhischoos </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">like Mama. I’m a millennium. We’re all about shortcuts and easy outs, amirite? Even hubby and his stupid scotch-and-cigar crowd are always matar-ing about equal-shequal, and healthy cum-petition, and level playing fields — God knows how fields fit in, but, I guess, sports bring people together — so, here I am, ready to take one for the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Parha-Likha-Jaahil</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> team. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">No more jungle law or getting creative for attention. Really, it’s obvious how that botched bad-assery panned out. Matlab, enough is enough! No more half-baked </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">harkats</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">! Time to give the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">thudda </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> to your “tribe” and being on the Shit-List, say hello to the herd and swear allegiance to my honorable 11-Step It-List, and kiss that high school house of horrors bu-bye for good!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">1. PIETY</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Real people of faith know the path to piety begins with words — no, not prayers — pronunciation. Ramadan, Suhoor, Eid-ul-Adha, Al-Bakistan, Bebsi, Berjer Ging. Just look at Aunty Babbo —formerly known as Pappo. That witch found a rishta for her loser of a son, Dain, formerly known as, you guessed it, Zain, the second she took the righteous path, replacing those P’s and Z’s with holy B’s and D’s. Like, even Yallah has Allah in it, for God’s sake!</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><span style="font-size: large;">2. FEMINISM</span></i></span></div>
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<a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t76BITuX04Y/XI9mb482z3I/AAAAAAAAE6w/FJ5sb_oQlL47T304r1Mk5quf-T8d-kNzACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_6029.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><span id="docs-internal-guid-ca7f1560-7fff-d641-9485-56f5af098290"><i><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hai, hai! Why would you bite the hand that feeds you…and funds all the fashion and first class </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">zindagi</span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">? The only place a woman should be marching to is lunch and a lawn launch. Otherwise, let’s just keep it at t-shirts and tweets, okay? </span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Chawr honay ki zaroorat nahi hai.</span></span></i></span></a><a href="https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-t76BITuX04Y/XI9mb482z3I/AAAAAAAAE6w/FJ5sb_oQlL47T304r1Mk5quf-T8d-kNzACLcBGAs/s1600/IMG_6029.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial";"><span style="white-space: pre-wrap;"><i><br /></i></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"></span></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dragging luggage, waiting in lines, flying economy, shacking up at 3-star rat-holes in Thailand with cheap drinks, cheaper food, and </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">SHARED </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">public beaches — “vacations” are for the less fortunate. London for the weekend, a suite at The Dorchester, £24 gin and tonics at The Artesian, Tramp…</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">that</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> is a holiday, darlings.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">4. DIETS</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Teeka. Keto. Crossfit. Starvation. Yoga. </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Hakeem ki phakkis</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Nothing works? </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sub noo, chaddo</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, get the HARmones and thyroid checked.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Sheila was so sick of begging Bubbloo for money , she figured out a way to snag all the latest loot for free! Get on Instagram, make an “official” public account, force your social circle to follow you, and once you have, like, 11 followers, you can basically start cold-calling any brand under the sun to beg for freebies to promote to your puny audience. It takes time, but Naimat said 3-4 nangi-rewealing type pictures and the sponsorships and fans flood in. There is no shame in being a corporate shrill. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">What is this </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ghussa-pee-jao</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> nonsense? Skyrocketing import taxes on luxury cars! Liberty chakka-chak with fake designer lawn! Gucci banning fur! Deepika picking that hocha, Ranveer, over khandaani-bacha, Ranbhir! I mean, the world is on fire and we’re supposed to </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">chup-chaap</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> watch it burn? The least you should impose on this crumbling civilization are your completely uninformed, irrational, unsolicited opinions. Never underestimate the </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">cheekhum-dhaari</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> of a keyboard crusader.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">God! It’s been two whole weeks since Faroo’s mother passed away and she’s still a mess. Says she might be depressed and wants to see a psychologist. I’m a stand-up saheli, so, obviously, I immediately told her not to tell anyone. Panna would have a field day telling people Faroo is a mental case. Personally, I think it’s jaadoo, so I left her Shamsi Saab’s number. I mean, if she’s willing to believe a psychic, some Skype-dum won’t kill her, right? Waisay, someone needs to tell her grieving for more than 3 days is gunnah…</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><span style="font-size: large;"><i>8. BLURRED LINES</i></span></span></div>
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<span id="docs-internal-guid-aa798097-7fff-ca64-0563-4c15b4a393f6"><span style="font-size: large;"><i><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was a time when marriages were sacred and that Key Club in Karachi was considered a total </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">kanjar-khaana</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. No more my lovelies! Secret spouse swaps are for cheater-cock </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">chutiyas</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Easy scene is in — a little </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">chaira-chaari </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">in the backseat of the gaari never killed anyone. So morals ko goli maaro, dance floor pay </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">bachiyan tay bachay taaro</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. After that, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">tera</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> husband, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">mera</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"> husband, </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">teri buddi, meri guddi.</span></i></span></span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 700; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">9. THE GAYS</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">There was a time when running into a gay was like spotting a baby unicorn in the wild. Suddenly, they’ve spread like a rash. Meena read something on Facebook about men pretending to be gay to get close to women. Clever, clever, Makes perfect sense in this phassi huee society. And let’s be real, women go nuts for men who actively pretend they’re just not that into them. Real women know they can change a man.</span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">According to Bitto’s Insta-feed, bird-legs are out. Looking down, as if to find something precious, while tucking a stray lat of hair behind your ear is the thing these days. Bitch, please! I’ve been looking down at people all my life. I’m a natural. Waddi ayee! Khair, it’s a valuable lesson for losers lusting for likes, I guess. </span></div>
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<span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">Samia was harnesssed to a 100-foot crane brought in from Dubai and lowered onto the stage with BabyDoll blaring in the background. Spectacular! So what if her dupatta snagged in the hooks and clips and </span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">satyanaas-</span><span style="background-color: transparent; color: black; font-family: "arial"; font-style: normal; font-variant: normal; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">ed her 15 lakhs ka Sabyasachi? Aria had a Brazilian lady flown in for a $3000 “bridal body wax.” Champoo roped in Mehroon 5 for his mehndi. But, by far, the BEST was Safina who got caught trying to pass off an Islamabad Club waiter as a bartender from Istambol. Everyone was all impressed with Turkish Arsh Kan, until he served scotch on actual rocks, and was exposed as Arshad Lala, the Pathan!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">If it seems like a lot, I totally get it. Once a </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">phattoo</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">, always a </span><span style="font-family: "arial"; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">phattoo</span><span style="font-family: "arial"; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">. Khair, can’t win ‘em all, but at least I can say I tried. As for you? Good luck with the rest of your lame lives, you goddamn losers!</span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><i>Don’t Miss: <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2017/12/InstaGirlPart1.html"><span class="s2">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 1</span></a></i></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><i>Don’t Miss: <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2017/12/InstaGirlPart2.html"><span class="s2">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 2</span></a><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;"><b><i>Don’t Miss: <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2018/01/InstaGirlPart3.html"><span class="s2">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 3</span></a></i></b></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-14932972112740122102018-02-24T00:17:00.002+05:002018-02-24T00:32:46.960+05:00Those Aunties<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;">Those Aunties was first published in the 2017 inaugral edition of acclaimed literary magazine, <a href="https://www.instagram.com/thealephreview/?hl=en" target="_blank">The Aleph Review</a>. The anthology's latest issue is slated for release on March 4, 2018.</span></i></span></span></blockquote>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Congratulations, ladies, the patriarchy is officially pissed off with your outlandish behavior. Driving around, using the internet, developing skills, pursuing passions, charting careers, picking your own paramours, expecting equal rights and education and respect and independence, and <i>woh bhi </i>in jeans! Haram! Haram! Intelligence and ideas are not a woman’s work. No, siree. Such divine qualities are reserved exclusively for the opposite sex.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">But if you think locking up misogynistic maniacs and throwing away the key would end this idiocy, solve all your problems, and answer all your prayers, allow me to piss on your parade.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Look, sure, boys are stupid, but what about the riot police within our ranks? That sinister force hiding in plain sight — actually, it’s impossible to hide dressed like Cheetara’s country-cousin — a predator that hunts in packs, stalking its prey, stealthily springing for the kill.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Seriously, what kind of sadist calls you, <i>Jaani</i>, seconds before going for your jugular?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Aunties. <i>Those aunties.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To be fair, not every aunty is an </span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif;">aunty</i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span><span class="Apple-converted-space" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Admission into the Crazy Cougar Club is carefully curated, adhering to strict and rigorous standards — no poor people, preternaturally preserved pentagenarians preferred, badly bleached locks mandatory, and a Donald Trump-esque ability to talk smack, all day, errrrday, waives the first year’s membership fees.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Honor-based self-assessments require all aspiring <i>aunties</i> to pen original introspective essays addressing <i>modrun</i>-day <i>Auntyism’s</i> most pressing existential concerns such as, “Why my Flipeeno is better than your Flipeeno,” “Cummaytees: Eradicating Poverty in the 21st Century” “Pir, Dum, Dars, Milaad: Spirituality of the Rich & Famous” “Foreign Investments: How To Dupe Your Husband Into Buying A Willa in Dubai” and, of course, “When Tammo Slapped Zakko At Fanno’s Fashion Fundraiser: An Insider Speaks Out”.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Naturally, such deep thoughts leave an <i>aunty’s</i> heart and ample bosom heaving with <i>sachi batein </i>and an infinite supply of unsolicited advice she’s itching to unleash on lost losers like you.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“Beta, you should get up in the morning and make your huss-band breakfast. Boys like girls who cook. My daughter, Fifi, always makes breakfast and look how happy her huss-band is”</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Thank you for assuming my marriage is crumbling. I’m not offended. At all.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“Jaani, you look a little sick. You should wear more make-up. Fifi’s does her face before her huss-band wakes up and just look how happy they are.”</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Totally jealous.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">If counseling isn’t on the menu, there’s an old-fashioned assault on your insecurities.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“<i>Jaani, is that what you’re wearing to Bubbly’s brunch?”</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Of course not. Silk is for luxe-ing up laundry day.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“<i>Beta, you should never let your huss-band go out alone at night. He’ll have an affair.”</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Point is, everything is an <i>aunty’s</i> business. Your sleep cycle, your finances, your birth control, your maids, your kids, how often you wash your hair, your pick between shaving vs. waxing, whether you’re “allowed” to go out without you huss-bund’s “permission” (because Fifi never does that). Bro, Guantanamo ain’t got squat on an aunty-style interrogation!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">And, like a most-unfortunate gift that keeps on giving, The Opinionator’s well of life-altering wisdom never runs dry.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“Beta, if you don’t go to Maano’s chacha’s sister-in-law’s father’s sister, Baby’s, funeral, who’s going to show up when you die?”</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">*GASP!* No one to gossip, and giggle, and pretend-pray with gitaks, while my near and dear grieve? Bummer.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">No offense, but <i>aunties </i>don’t give a rat’s ass about your opinions or your clever clap-backs, so save everyone the hassle and keep those lips sealed. Also, understand that, God forbid, should you ever accidentally express even the mildest interest in the <i>fitna’s </i>fabrications, an <i>aunty </i>will almost instantly launch into verbal orbit.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“Hahaha, you know my fraand, Sana Sufinaz? Ackchooly, you probably don’t know her. I’ve known her ever since your Uncle was posted to Karachi in 1952. Poor thing, very middle-class type back then, but just look at her now, sitting in the sky. But she’s very sweet, you know. ”</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Tell me more! <span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“Hai! After this milaad, I’m off to General BJ’s wife’s tea party and then to Saffo Raddiwala’s daughter’s nikah, but you know the crowd at their events is always so…but very sweet, both of them. Honestly, I hardly go out anymore.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I wish, lady. I wish.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Another fun <i>aunty </i>fact: as up-in-your-grill as these ladies are, a reigning <i>aunty</i> is an allergic-to-everything hypochondriac with specialists on speed-dial and a pill-box that would put Charlie Sheen to shame.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Worse, hell hath no fury like her hygiene hysterics. Raise your hand if you’ve run into at least one prissy dame who insists on using <i>your </i>bathroom every single time she drops by— the powder room is a positive health hazard after all the commoners have crawled around in there — and you’ve faked a smile, escorting the germaphobe to your sacred sanctuary while pretending to give an actual fart about her one-sided jabber.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“Taubah! Rabbo got such a terrible rash after sitting on Beeno’s cheap synthetic sofa. Thanks God, my anti-allergy, and sedatives, and muscle relaxant were in my purse. She was still red and puffy when I left, but she seemed very calm.”</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Splendid work, Pablo.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">If you’re thinking now would be a good time to run and hide from the <i>Fisaadi Phupi </i>Federation, I have some bad news.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><i>Aunties</i> have become such a well-populated species, lifestyle magazines are struggling to cram in as many photos of women “spotting” themselves at “ess-clusive” launches, lunches, ladies nights, and lawn exhibitions as possible.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Being brutally honest, though, a few of us out there are indeed morbidly fascinated by the Evil Stepsister Society and, sometimes, because we have no regard for our life, sanity, or happiness, we seek them out for spectacle’s sake.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Intrigued? Want in on the action? Cool! Just follow the Valium trail straight to the most over-the-top wedding in town and behold the bougie beast in all its botox-ed glory.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Feeling ballsy enough for a close encounter? Use the blinding glare of oversized jewels, held hostage in several sweaty neck-rolls, as your guide. Move towards the cackles until you spot a bustling throng of shrill <i>laydiss</i> sporting mismatched foundation.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Craning their necks in your direction, <i>aunties</i> have no shame in staring through you, pointing their talons your way, as they size you up. Moving in for their midnight meal, the group-gaze comes unglued, heads swiveling towards one another as they dive into a huddle.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Okay, now, take a deep breath, text your besties to inform them of your impending demise, and put on your game-face, because this ain’t your average meet-cute — an <i>aunty’s </i>capacity for cringe-worthy conversation is the stuff of legends.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">“<i>Hai, two daughters! Challo, hopefully, the next one will be a boy.”</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">For the courageous few, the way out of this godforsaken gabfest means hijacking the chatter with meaty musings of your own. Married? Whine about your “loser husband” or concoct outrageous lies about your evil in-laws. Any sniff of scandal, no matter how nonsensical, will do. Singletons, never make the mistake of mentioning her darling son. You are but a paltry peasant, unworthy of her precious prince.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">That’s your cue, brave soldier. Go forth and show them who’s boss, or forever hold your peace, because if an <i>aunty </i>beats you to the punch, game over.</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-21642994589888270972018-01-05T14:32:00.000+05:002018-05-07T15:40:47.019+05:00I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 3<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: xx-small;">Image courtesy Google</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Allah maaf kar day, my feet are killing me. I can’t believe business-class passengers are expected to trudge through the entire bloody terminal just to get to the bloody lounge. Look at the nerve, Allah ki kasam. Fleecing us for airfare and making us run a marathon just to relax in some cheap rexine-covered recliners. Total chors!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">On the plane it’s all Voss ka pani and bistar-razai and “Madam, would you like a drink.” After that, any rational person would demand some butler and buggy service — these stilettos cost $1700…</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I love this new destination wedding trend. Pehlay tou, only the parha-likha, modrun, foreigner-marrying crowd did that sort of thing to avoid logon ki batein, but times have totally changed…<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Khair, we're headed to the #BuzzFool wedding next week in Seychelles — at least that’s where the mayoun is — but Hubby’s been acting like such a russi noo with his never-ending taanas about how much this trip is costing him and how many poors we could feed with that money. #Buzzkill. Jo bhi, that shadi is going to be ON FLEEK! Sixteen hundred of the couple’s friends, family, and farm animals (plus press, obvs) coming together for sixteen events in sixteen different exotic locations. Wah!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Oh Lord, that phappay-kutni Meena was on our flight. Full make-up, dressed to the nines, over insaan, and just look at her — following some mota moochar uncle, she cut straight through the immigration line with her jungli bachas and three Filipinos in tow. Meanwhile, I, thanks to Hubby, lined up like a lallo panjoo loser.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I know she saw me flailing my arms her way, but she didn’t wave back. THIS is exactly why I was khao-fying Hubby’s brain. All he had to do was make one phone call to his bloody FIA wala cousin, lekin, no. Sarri mirch says if us parha-likas demand special treatment, it makes the jaahils super upset. Frankly, he’s the only jaahil in this situation.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Next time I’m just calling Daddy’s IG Police walay friend to arrange some hi-fi protocol for us too. Qissa khatam.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">And if Meena thinks I’ll react to her harkats, she obviously doesn’t know that Rakh-Rakhao is my middle name. I’m an utter professional at keeping my cool with this you-snub-my-back-I’ll-stab-yours drama. Of course, Sashay and Fareena aren’t allowed to talk to her at all. Friend code, na.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Hai Allah! Fluffy and Bonnie got into another totally embarassing phadda at the Funjaani’s Game of Thrones bash. Such a fun party — fried prawns and Dong Perignon type scene — but twenty minutes in and these two were flat-out, piss-face trashed, clawing and shoving each other in the middle of the dance floor, screaming and hurling slurs like two low-class, paan-chewing ricksha-waalas.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">And then it happened, like some Indian soap opera heroine, literally a split-second before Monty and Cuckoo pried them apart, Fluffy planted a legendary thappar straight across Bonnie’s face. Dil khush kar ditta, I say. In fact, roz subha, she should plant one straight across his bootha. Forty years old, chaar bachon ka baap, a bulging tid, but still a bloody tharki jaanwar.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Well, at least we know who’s not making the guest list next year.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Shukar hai, the year is almost over! Thak gayee hoon. I need to unwind before the khap-khana of fashion weeks kicks off. I’m frowing at two shows this year and I’ve had zero time to figure out all the details. Just trying to book a make-up appointment with Wania Watani has been a nightmare. She’s flying in from Dubai and she only does six faces. I have no back-up at this point, so my fingers are crossed. Thank God, Prince and Sajju Baba have slotted me in for hair. And, big news, this year I’m styling myself! These “professional” stylist shtylists are total paisay zaya, I tell you. Pheeki taste. No dhamaka. Waisay bhi, what’s the big deal? Make-up lagao, baal banao, kapray pao, tay bhaj jao.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Waisay, something tells me, abhi tou party shuroo huee hai…</span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span> <span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Go back to </span></span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2017/12/InstaGirlPart2.html" target="_blank">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 2</a></i><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Go back to </span></span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2017/12/InstaGirlPart1.html" target="_blank">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 1</a></i><br />
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-54959833412150872002017-12-27T16:42:00.000+05:002018-05-07T15:35:04.780+05:00I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 2<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">What a wasted Sunday! Sarah Shafi’s Harvey Nichols brunch? More like Debenham’s, frankly. Nisa — bloody pithoo —<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span>claims Sarah spent forty bloody lakhs putting the whole bloody debacle together. Itni lut and no dessert table, no imported flowers, no giveaways even!? That could only mean one of three things — a) Sarah is a kanjoos makhichoos, b) Nisa is a total chaddoo, or c) Sarah was seriously swindled. My money’s on A and B, but I need to know what Mona and Mani think first.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I just wish I hadn’t worn my new Zozo Kakar jora. The husband suggested I wear it to Talia’s chai next week. Like, repeat the outfit. Wear. It. Again. As if that troll, Fatoo, and her oaf of a sister would ever let me live it down. I will not be outclassed by some corrupt minister ki churail betiyan — I am an industrialist’s son’s first wife!</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Tuesday, 6 December 2017</span></b></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">OMG, Xaina just called. That little sneak snuck into Sakina’s cellphone, snapped screenshots of her super-highbrow Diamonds & Divas guest list, and sent them to our secret Whatsapp group. It’s only the first eight pages — Xaina’s always been a little slow — and our names are missing, but they’re probably just further down the list…I mean, shit, we did dance at the same wedding four years ago AND we’re in the same group photos…</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Khair, I sent her a Facebook friend request last night. Let’s see what happens.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></b> <b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Friday, 9 December 2017</span></b><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Waisay, this city has seriously changed. Before social media, we were living in the stoned ages. Like, when Daddy bought me my first LV tote, these aaj kal ki “fashionistas” didn’t have a clue about brands. It was all about tacky low-rise jeans and behuda belts. Now? All of them act like Christian Louboutin is their saggi phuphi ka beta.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Good thing I’m not the competition type. Mein tou kehti hoon, wear your Sophia Webster jootis, wrap those claws around them Judith Lieber clutches, float around in those cavernous kaftans and, by all means, vacuum-pack your lothras into those Cavalli dresses. Just live and let die, yaar!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Sunday, 11 December 2017</span></b></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Ufff, Amal is getting on my every nerves these days. Mismatched foundation, ghaas jaisay baal, Medora ki nail polish, lekin, suddenly, she’s all over Insta as some sort of blogger/ designer. I don’t know who buys those paindoo productions, but I’ve heard she’s dhara dhar minting money. FFS! Anyone can set up a darzi-adda operation in a servant quarter and hire karigars from Ichra to make birds and phool-bootas on synthetic chiffon.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Whatever. I’ve never had time for pettiness and now tou Im tied up to my ankles my own exclusive, high-end, luxury pret line of hand-cut, hand-stitched, hand-made, hand-packed hand-socks. “Gloves” just doesn’t sound glam enough — too much of a Punjab Club waiter vibe…</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Wednesday, 14 December 2017</span></b></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Uncle Pappoo, the one who does dum and istikhara type business for Mama and her friends, popped in for chai. What a remarkable man, waisay. Imagine, there was a time when he was just an ordinary palmist roaming Liberty Market. Qaboo-fying those jinns totally upped his game, though. Like, now, he only makes house calls.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">So, he was dropping off a new taweez for Mama to help control the nokars and her allergies — poor thing lost the last one trying to wrestle a Sialkoti bhains for a jora at some lawn sale. Obviously, it was caught on camera and splashed all over FB and she was absolutely mortified, but,let’s be real, she won that thing fair and square. And there’s no such thing as bad publicity.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Khair, guess what he told Mama!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Aunty Farro hosted a dars yesterday and he saw her khuss-pussing with Aunty Gullo about Aunty Minnie calling off her daughter’s wedding with Aunty Choochi’s son! After the churi-mehndi, and Holi night, and the Sangeet, and the Principals & School Girls party.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Word is, the boy’s passport isn’t as blue as they claimed. Poor git is still stuck with just a green card. I can't believe that materialistic meesni, Minnie, was actually offended that Choochi, the cheap churail, served her thandi chai in some horrendous Thailand ka bunna </span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">hua tea-set.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Frankly, I always knew that jori was doomed, but I’m not one to gossip. I mean, korma is a bitch, right? </span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span> <span class="s1" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; text-align: center;">Head to </span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2018/01/InstaGirlPart3.html" target="_blank">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 3</a></i><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Go back to </span></span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2017/12/InstaGirlPart1.html" target="_blank">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 1</a></i></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-47773035417405148272017-12-13T00:07:00.000+05:002018-05-07T15:32:42.053+05:00I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 1<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="s1"><i>This year, I’m ecstatic marking 5 years writing satire. I know this is the part where I’m supposed to humble-brag about my “journey”, but, ummm, no. I thought it’d be a lot more fun and fitting to celebrate my milestone with a tiny tribute to one of my greatest inspirations and South Asia’s most savage satirist — with razor-tongued wit and eerily precise observations, her words are effortlessly relatable and hilariously woven, and therein lies the magic of Moni Mohsin.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></i></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><span class="Apple-converted-space"><span class="s1"><i>Ever grateful for the guiding light! </i></span><span style="text-align: left;"> </span></span></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span class="Apple-converted-space"><i style="text-align: right;"><span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">- Insha<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></i></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></b></span> <b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><i>Monday, November 28 2017</i></span></b></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Haiiiii!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Heavy weekend!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Friday night, Karachi, Farah Makhandani’s White Party, hosted at the beach chateau she snagged in the divorce settlement. Clever fox stuck it out just long enough to finish renovating the place. Three seconds later, Karim was kicked to the curb and she was cozying up with the Al-Hoor Cement waalon ka beta. Not that <i>that</i> wasn’t happening before.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Challo, mitti pao, tay khana khao, right?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I wonder if Karim will finally crawl out of his closet?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Saturday, Jihad and Haya officially kicked off the season with their annual brunch in Bani Gala. Ufff, the views were stunning and the khana was just exquisite! Everything was imported, from Shams, but still. And, of course, all organic. Apparently, Haya is severely allergic to thelay ki sabzis.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Sunday, we were back home for the J.F. Kalandardin Polo Cup. Lately, Cheeni and her chumchees have been sporting feathery head-pieces to these events. Such a bunch of hoity-toity wannabe goris, I swear. But Annie said she might wear one. And Sam’s daughter has talked her into it too. That means, Bina’s definitely on board, so…you know.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Now, I just hope that lazy murghi-wala shows up. The rest, the maid can figure out. Isn’t that why I pay her?</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><i>Wednesday, November 30 2017</i></span></b></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Fittay moo!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Five cups of chai and my head is still splitting. Bloody pharmacist. Fazool mein switching out my standard cocktail with some new-fangled concoction, which, by the way, is total shit. Now he’s in some Cheechoo Ki Maliyan type pind for the next week, leaving me not-so-high and totally dry.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Bet you my Bottega he eats money to push this third-class maal on poor rich women like me.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Ufff<b>, i</b>s waqt I would give dus kaalay bakroon ki qurbani if it meant wearing zero make-up, slathering andaa-dahi in my hair, and taking a very long nap. I’d also kill to smother my face with chocolate cake, but none of this is going to happen.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I mean, there’s no way I’m busting my teeka-diet. It was bloody torture trying to sneak my way into Nayna's squad and everyone knows how hyper-exclusive her B-Complex bashes are — gold-tipped syringes and all. Not a club I want to get kicked out of.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Khair, shukar hai, I finally dug up that Bubbly woman’s number. You know, the one who takes care of this saryal pish-posh crowd’s blow-dry, threading type business? Kasam se, she is legendary, and I’m not just talking about the massage. Slip her a sizable tip and she slowly works oil into my hair while giving me a lascivious low-down on the upper-crust’s deepest, darkest dilemmas. Sakoon mahol, tay mithay chowl!</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Head to </span></span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2017/12/InstaGirlPart2.html" target="_blank">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 2</a></i><br />
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<span class="s1" style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Head to </span></span><i style="font-family: "trebuchet ms", sans-serif; text-align: center;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2018/01/InstaGirlPart3.html" target="_blank">I'm An Insta-Girl, In An Insta-World - Part 3</a></i></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-63756554274267908082017-10-10T16:40:00.000+05:002017-10-10T20:40:21.532+05:00For Old Time's Sake - Lahore's Most Nostalgic Hot-Spots<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7HEMfvtdFaM/WcKaKcexFhI/AAAAAAAAEqQ/A8V1J0XFYu400eTUIl6tBAGfYDUpZeZfgCLcBGAs/s1600/Nostalgic%2BEats%2B-%2BWeekend%2B%2528Header%2529.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="789" data-original-width="940" height="536" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-7HEMfvtdFaM/WcKaKcexFhI/AAAAAAAAEqQ/A8V1J0XFYu400eTUIl6tBAGfYDUpZeZfgCLcBGAs/s640/Nostalgic%2BEats%2B-%2BWeekend%2B%2528Header%2529.png" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Remember Polka Parlor? I do, but not because the ice cream was OMG. Those back-lit photo-boards mounted high behind the counters featured my naughtiest frozen dairy dreams — a perfect Peach Melba, a beautiful banana split, a classic triple-scoop sundae topped with a cloud of whipped cream and a neon red maraschino cherry, and my holy grail, a huge watermelon, hollowed, carved, and filled with a million tiny scoops of ice cream — all a bunch of cruel lies. Dude, my frickin’ fantasy monster-melon wasn’t even on the menu...</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Still, mention the name and I can’t help smiling, because, really, disappointing dessert was but a trivial detail, an annoying distraction, if you will, in a day that included a trip to the holy land of extreme 90’s-kid fun, Amusement Arcade!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">You know the one I’m talking about — that musty basement that offered a grand total of 3 thrilling fun-time activities, including the iconic heart-thumping dodge-em cars with dubious brakes and long, bendy antennas that crackled and sparked against that wire-cage roofing. That lingering smell of hot metal was oddly satisfying. The mechanical horse-race felt as intense as the Kentucky Derby, beads of sweat forming on our foreheads as we screamed our lungs sore until the shrill buzzer finally ended the game. A mix of excited shrieks and disappointed groans always followed. And the pièce de résistance — the mildly shady and definitely moldy room known as the “Shooting Gallery.” Nobody ever won the game,but we all played anyway, just to get the creepy old cowboy to half-rise out of his creaky rocking chair and lift his lame shotgun to squirt water at us.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">After an hour of so of this daredevil awesomeness, the gang of cousins, and whichever Khala had been conned into watching the kids for the afternoon, descended on Polka Parlor and the rest, as they say, is history.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Food is a powerful, emotional affair, folks. Not convinced? Hit up these five nostalgic Lahori hotspots and we guarantee some serious feels!</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Gino's</b></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Literally, eat ANY of Gino’s pizzas and it’ll take you straight back to every cool kid’s childhood birthday or last-day-of-school party you’ve ever been to. Yes, the dough is still thick and bread-y and the sauce is still oddly sweet and, no, there’s no epic stringiness to the cheese — it sits in one waxy, congealed sheet on the top, just like always — and it’s still so, so delicious. Nothing beats kick-butt kiddie party food.</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Café Zouk </b></span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Where myths, legends, and drama were born, this place wasn’t just a restaurant — it was the definition of an era. You didn’t go to Zouk. You went “Zouking’ — to a land where cK One and Polo Sport hung thick in the air and hormones raged while <i>Truly, Madly, Deeply</i> and BSB blared at a deafening volume, speaking straight from your soul to bae’s. This was where you nibbled on the planet’s BEST salsa and chips before platter after platter of Chicken Chili Mint, Thai Special Noodles, and Cashew Chicken arrived at your crammed table. And, of course, this was also where the parking lot doubled as a lunchtime entertainment arena, showcasing lame groups of <i>badmaash</i> boys getting into even lamer <i>phaddas, </i>while the rest of us munched on our meals and lived our best lives. Ah, the perfect Saturday afternoons.<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Words probably can’t do justice to an institution so loved and cherished by generation after generation of Lahoris, but to borrow from one S&P poet, “lives and families are built on those chicken cheese burgers.” Tack the Stuffed Chicken Breast on to that list and, seriously, truer words have probably never been spoken.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Zouk’s pubescent predecessor was a cultural groundbreaker. Those song dedications, huskily read out by mysterious DJ’s locked away in that elevated booths, only launched a thousand young romances. The rest were initiated by pelting one another with scraps of napkins scrawled with phone </span>numbers,<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> while pretending to casually eat that Copper Chicken and those too-good-to-be-real battered fries. By the time the Caked Alaska came out, you were practically in a committed relationship.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;">Hsin Kuang</span></b><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Everything from the kitschy grandeur of the exterior, to the ginormous round tables, and even those up-sized Lazy Susans, heaving under the weight of massive servings of Chicken Chow Mein, Egg Fried Rice, and Chicken Manchurian presented on sizzling platters, made Hsin Kuang exciting, exotic, epic. They handed out chopsticks, for crying out loud! But everyone knows it was one humble, motley soup that put this place on the map — the legendary 19B. Sadly, Hsin Kuang closed down recently, but the good news is, our favorite soup lives on in the city’s hearts and minds and on the menu of almost every Chinese place in town. Rest in peace, H.K, it was a hell of a run!<span class="Apple-converted-space"> </span></span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Finally, for more trips down memory lane, pop over to these unforgettable eateries - at least those that are still open - and give them a round of applause!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>Honorable Mentions</b></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-75841158720848224332017-03-11T13:11:00.000+05:002017-03-11T22:58:20.600+05:00Road Runner's Secret Service<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Website: http://roadrunner.com.pk/</span></b></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>Phone</b>: 0334 1310131 (OR) 0334 1311131</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You can also find Road Runner on <a href="http://facebook.com/roadrunnerpk" target="_blank"><span class="s2">Facebook</span></a> & <a href="http://instagram.com/roadrunnerlahore/" target="_blank"><span class="s2">Instagram</span></a></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">On a scale of 1 to Immobile Lout, how lazy are you? If you’re tipping towards stationary lump, a killer delivery service is a godsend. That’s why <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2012/11/road-runner-braving-lahori-traffic-so.html" target="_blank">Road Runner rules the hearts of hermits</a> all over Lahore. Aside from the fact that they’ll deliver pretty much anything — a winter blanket dropped off at your doorstep? Hell yeah — the service is speedy, the charges are reasonable, and, when you’re in no mood to step out, they’ll happily to trek all over the city for you. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Near-instant gratification and almost zero hassle, I was sold the second Road Runner launched. More recently, though, they’ve got me hooked on to their latest secret service.</span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><br /></span></span> <span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Ready? Okay. </span></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hold on to your undies, because Road Runner had set up an in-house kitchen and they’re knocking out some of the most delicious Khao Suey in town. The chicken coconut curry is creamy, the noodles are tender, topped with a small mountain of crispy onions, a generous sprinkle fiery chili flakes, sliced scallions, and a big squeeze of fresh, zingy lemon juice — cozy night in a bowl, babies!</span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Literally, Road Runner, just take ALL of my money! Take all of eeeetttt!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">For your chance to WIN A FREE KHAO SUEY MEAL FOR TWO FROM ROAD RUNNER*, don’t forget to enter The Road Runner Giveaway, happening on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hungerandhawhai/photos/a.10151270787304061.487923.370801384060/10155071965414061/?type=3&theater" target="_blank"><span class="s3">Facebook</span></a> and <a href="http://www.instagram.com/hungerandhawhai" target="_blank"><span class="s3">Instagram</span></a>. Giveaway starts on Saturday, 11 March, 2017 and closes Thursday, 16 March 2017 at 11:59 pm (PST).</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">* Prize generously sponsored by Road Runner</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com81tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-89277922065957404582017-03-01T17:54:00.000+05:002017-03-07T13:47:21.566+05:00Lahore, THIS Is Why You Need To Grocery Shop Online!<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">I don’t know about you, but it took me decades to become a grocery shopping ninja. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Through the pre-adulting wonder years, it was as easy as arriving at Al-Fatah, grabbing a Shezan mango and some Super Crisps, and watching Nano slice and dice her way through the entire ordeal like some supermarket sensei. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">The golden days of college entailed an obscene diet of dorm food, bean and cheese burritos and, once a week, cooking a massive, mostly desi meal to share with a horde of hungry friends, but pulling that off literally a no-brainer — hitch a ride to the nearest Indian store, pick up Shaan masalas, buy ingredients listed on the backs of those boxes. Boom. Done. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">And then I got married…*dun dun duuuuun*…and shit hitteth the fan. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Basically, after moving in, like a good ghareloo bahu (and an A-grade idiot), I offered to take over the sauda-stocking scenario. I probably should’ve stopped to consider that a) I’d never gone grocery shopping on such a massive scale and b) I had no idea what these people shopped for, but, no, I was a fool in love. My mother-in-law resolved the latter dilemma by handing me a three-page (back and front) list scrawled in Urdu. Bullets of sweat broke out. I dialed in my besties for back-up and almost half the day later, we wrapped up an expedition that can only be described as waging war with over-zealous, jiu-jitsu trained aunties battling it out in a Game of Thrones: Ghee Edition. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Between then and now, I’ve tried more than a couple of “systems” to make the entire process less painful — Excel sheets, streamlined lists, highlighting old receipts, memorizing the layout of my favorite grocery store, hefty tips — but about a year and a half ago I called it quits. Not because I’m a quitter, FFS, but because Allah Mian loves me and some genius launched <a href="https://www.facebook.com/24sevenstores/"><span class="s2">24/Seven.pk</span></a>, Lahore’s first <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/ae/app/24-seven/id1064962770?mt=8"><span class="s2">full-scale online grocery shopping app</span></a> and <a href="https://24seven.pk/"><span class="s2">website</span></a>.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">THIS is a goddamn revolution, folks!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Not only do they carry thousands of products from all of my go-to brands — from grocery items (including fruits and veggies), to toiletries, to cleaning supplies, to pet food, and pretty much everything in between — 24/Seven also has an awesome bakery section courtesy of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/kitchencuisine/"><span class="s2">Kitchen Cuisine</span></a> and fresh, organic produce from <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Nadozgreenz/"><span class="s2">Nadoz Greenz</span></a>. Wikka, wikka, whaaaaa!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">No lies, Lahore, this isn’t just a grocery shopping game-changer — it’s literally the answer to all my domestic house-wifey prayers and here’s why you need to hop on this gravy train, like, right now.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Convenience, Duh: </b>You mean I can lounge in my ugliest nightie, sip chai with some light Justin Bieber playing in the background, shop at ungodly hours sans the kids, and buy a mountain of Doritos without being stared down by judgey, organic-only yoga moms? Why would anyone say no to that?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Zero Hassle</b>: No traffic, no crowds, no lines, no tipping 10 cashiers because even though they didn’t do jack they said, “<i>slalaikum, baji.”</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Bye, Bye Impulse Buys: </b>No tiny cups of insanely expensive Haagen-Dazs, no crazy candy aisle, no old-ass imported juices, no cute eidee/ salaami envelopes, lingering in your face, tempting your weak soul while you try to will your wallet shut.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>No Freak Out At Check Out: </b>When the cashiers at Al-Fatah start screeching item codes at checkout time, for a second, I marvel at their monster memory banks. Then, I low-key panic because, let’s be real, those numbers sound random as hell. Most times, that’s obviously not the case, but because I have no clue what “<i>baasat code batti panji chappan” </i>means, how can I be 100% certain I haven’t just put a down-payment on a three-legged unicorn?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Point is, I like a neat little breakdown of my bill, preferably with tiny pictures, so that I can save myself an anxiety attack and actually know what I’m buying, while I’m buying it, complete with clearly marked prices and clearly listed quantities, thankyouverymuch.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Snug As A Bug</b>: This might sound like a strange one, but with a sudden uptick in violence across the city, you’re not insane if you want to limit unnecessary trips to crowded markets and department stores. Instead, sit back safe and let technology take care of the rest.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Dude, They DELIVER: </b>Oh yeah, uh huh, uh huh *shoulder shimmy*</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">SECRET SUPER PERK 💃 - Cut Your Brain Some Slack</span></b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">: Do you know what one of the shittiest feelings in the world is? Pulling into the driveway after an endless supermarket run and suddenly remembering you forgot the frickin’ Sufi soap! </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Yup, even though you buy the same staples month after, there’s always that one sneaky sucker that slips through the cracks. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">No more, darlings, no more.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Create a user account with 24/Seven and they’ll save all of your previous orders and, with a single click, they’ll load any of those orders right back into your cart* the next time you go shopping — yes, even your mom’s 3000 item long monthly raashan! Add new items, ditch the ones you don’t need, clickety-click to check-out, and, peace, home-fries.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Tell me we’re not living in the future!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Now go, download the 24/Seven app for <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/pk/app/24-seven/id1064962770?mt=8"><span class="s2">iOs</span></a> or your <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.cspl.seven"><span class="s2">Android</span></a> or mosey on over to their <a href="http://www.24seven.pk/"><span class="s2">website</span></a> and sign up for a user account to get an instant Rs. 50/- credit. Mm-hmm, kiss that supermarket stress buh-bye, fo’evaaa. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">* This feature is currently only available on the 24/Seven.pk <a href="http://www.24seven.pk/"><span class="s3">website</span></a>. The 24/Seven App is slated to include this feature starting early April. </span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-79447668011462379372017-02-20T18:41:00.002+05:002017-03-01T16:17:36.879+05:00Is Awesamosas Really THAT Awesome?<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Awesamosas</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Address: CSD Cavalry Masood Anwari Rd Lahore</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>Phone: 0332 8707390</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;"><b>You can also find Awesamosas on <a href="http://facebook.com/awesamosas" target="_blank"><span class="s2">Facebook</span></a> & <span class="s2"><a href="http://instagram.com/awesamosas" target="_blank">Instagram</a></span></b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">What’s the Sub-Continent’s most epic contribution to the world of deep-fried food? The samosa, obviously! Don’t argue with that, unless you’re up for a duel to the death. Garam samosa,thandi Coke — heaven is a place on earth, lovers.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Of course, reinventing traditional excellence, especially the carb-y kind involving soft, spiced potatoes smushed inside deep-fried triangular pockets of crusty, salty dough, is a tall order, but gutsy duo Daniyal Noorani and Seemi Sani of <a href="http://facebook.com/awesamosas" target="_blank">Awesamosas</a> don’t seem fazed. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Probably because they know that we know that those caramelized onion samosas are the bomb and every sensible citizen in the world would cease to acknowledge graham crackers if they could find chocolate and marshmallows melting inside a toasty samosa wrapper.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Chalkboards scrawled with menus, a 3-step ordering system, and their very own quirky lingo — burgers are served <i>shareefana</i> (easy on the sauce) or <i>loose</i> (animal style) and their chai is dubbed <i>Khoobsoora-Tea — </i>Awesamosas has got the cozy, casual, dhabba thing down. And, yes, the food is lick-the-bowl uh-mayzing, You can find more delicious details <a href="https://tribune.com.pk/story/1080587/for-the-love-of-samosas/" target="_blank"><span class="s3">here</span></a>, <a href="http://sunday.com.pk/chow-down-at-awesamosas/" target="_blank"><span class="s3">here</span></a>, <a href="http://images.dawn.com/news/1175582" target="_blank"><span class="s3">here</span></a>, and <a href="http://www.hipinpakistan.com/news/1151164" target="_blank"><span class="s3">here</span></a>. Or, you could ditch the literature and live your best life by wrapping your maw around a spicy, sauced-up pulled-beef samosa burger with a side of herb-salted fries and a Reese’s a la mode.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">You can thank me later.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">But is serving decent grub in a cute cafe enough to cut it in Pakistan’s hyper-competitive food industry?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Probably not. </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">And that’s exactly why Awesamosas should be on your radar. This samosa spot leaves the competition in the dust because it isn’t another gimmicky eatery hopping onto the “novelty food” train to make a quick buck off of nonsensical innovation. Chizza, anyone? </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">The folks at Awesamosas aren’t rustling up samosa burgers, bowls, and desserts for the sake of lame hipster elevation. R&D is serious business at this joint and, if you check out the menu closely, the method to their madness is slick AF. Most samosas are filled with ingredients that would traditionally be sandwiched between some sort of crust, biscuit, or even bread in the first place. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Flavors familiar enough to feel like comfort food, jazzed up just enough to get the juices flowing. Clever, clever, I say.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Really, why fuss trying to scoop up mouth-watering dum wala qeema with a floppy naan when it can be wrapped inside a portable parcel of deep-fried perfection? How do you get a piece of hot, flaky crust with every bite of your apple pie? Stuff them apples inside wrapper and fry those bad boys up, duh.</span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">Trying to create a modern and <b><i>memorable</i></b> rendition of a classic isn’t for the faint-hearted — is it really possible to stay true to humble roots of a time-honored recipe without sacrificing creativity — split into a hot, flaky, fresh-from-the-karahi Awesamosa filled with creamy butter chicken and the answer is a resounding HELLZ YEAH!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: normal;">P.S. The Awesamosas test kitchen is rolling out a brand new range of flavors soon, so stayed tuned and stay awesome, babies.</span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-29631403037769627862017-02-06T19:57:00.000+05:002017-03-02T22:24:47.103+05:00The Cafe Upstairs: Casual Cool Is Finally Back<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You can also find The Cafe Upstairs on <a href="http://facebook.com/TheCafeUpstairs"><span class="s2">Facebook</span></a> & <a href="http://instagram.com/cafe_upstairs"><span class="s2">Instagram</span></a></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Think of a meal out in the Lahore and it’s not unusual for the mind wander to straight to the hotspots lining the city’s famed M.M. Alam Road. But let that thought linger for a second and let the reality of braving claustrophobic chaos and bumper-to-bumper traffic sink in…yeah, it’s all downhill from there. See, for the occasional special occasion, that kind of madness is totally worth it, but, on an average day, being cocooned from the buzz and bustle and having a bite in peace is positively blissful. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">So, where do you go to get away from it all? Right to The Cafe Upstairs, of course! Quietly tucked away off Jail Road, the ambiance is casual, the space is flooded with natural light, and the menu is constantly evolving. — that’s what you call hitting all the right notes. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">The Cafe Upstairs hits all the right notes AND offers plenty of options for every kind of appetite. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">For a light lunch, split some heat-packed Wasabi Prawns and a Classic Cheesesteak with a buddy and life’s all good. Keep the fries and coleslaw for yourself, obviously. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">Ravenous? Start with the Beet & Feta Napoleon, a delicious pairing of salt and subtle sweetness, followed by a classic Margherita pizza topped generously with melting mozzarella and fresh basil. The Bird’s Eye Chili Chicken Stir-fry is also a winner. Round it all out with a warm Bread & Butter Pudding made with croissants that are baked in-house and served with a divine toffee caramel sauce. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: small;">P.S. don’t forget the Macchiato.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>The Cafe Upstairs</b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: 11 C Main Jail Road, Gulberg, Lahore</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">You can also find The Cafe Upstairs on <a href="http://facebook.com/TheCafeUpstairs"><span class="s2">Facebook</span></a> & <span class="s2"><a href="http://instagram.com/cafe_upstairs">Instagram</a></span></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-17982027645858087112016-08-26T15:59:00.003+05:002016-08-26T17:56:47.156+05:00The BEST Breakfast Spread That's Not On Your Table<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>I wrote an adapted version of this article for Dawn earlier in the summer, when the heat was relentless and respite was nowhere in sight. Now, thanks to the lovely Lahori monsoon — God, I love that heady scent of the rain hitting the soil — things are cooling down and the idea of starting the day with a warm slice of crusty bread is calling out to me like a forlorn lover. And what will I be topping my choice of carbs with, you obviously don’t ask? Only the BEST breakfast spread of all time!</b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Intrigued?</b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Thought so.</b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Read on.</b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Not to sound like a dinosaur, but I miss the good old days when Ramzan would roll around in the cool, crisp winter and we’d wake in the middle of the night shivering, the tips of our noses frozen numb. Those were simpler times of racing my brother and sister to the lounge, hoping to claim the toastiest spot in front of the enormous gas heater. Those were the magical years of sitting down, still sleepy-eyed, on a colorful <i>dastarkhwan</i> laid out with a sehri-time feast.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Of course, now, thanks to record-breaking heat, I have no such notions. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I mean, is it just me or is consuming anything more than a dry piece of toast and gallons of water at a pre-dawn meal actually a very real struggle? Plus, with the holy month coming to a close soon and temperatures still soaring, I’m guessing the prospect of breakfast isn’t going to inspire much enthusiasm either. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Thank God, my grandmother taught me well and I’ve finally got a fix for all those early morning woes. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">See, on those chilly nights, while we all sat cross-legged on the floor, crowding around <i>bal-wala</i> parathas, and spicy desi-style scrambled eggs studded with soft tomatoes, sweet onions, cumin, and plenty of green chilis, and leftover <i>saalan</i> and <i>daal</i>, and sticky-sweet french toast, Nano’s pre-Roza ritual defied all the norms of stuffing oneself silly. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She would quietly spend a few minutes pretending to nibble on the stodgy fare and then, sure as the rising sun, she’d abandon ship for her standard bowl of fresh unsweetened yogurt.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I found her minimalist choice earth-shatteringly boring! </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Why would you eat a bowl of bland white goo when <i>ghee-shakkar</i> and <i>makhni roti</i> were up for grabs? Really, why?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Well, now that I’m older and smarter and have serious acid reflux issues, I’ll tell you why. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yogurt is cool, healthy, refreshing, and it’s packed with good-for-you bacteria that helps soothe that gross bubbly feeling you get in your gut when you’ve gone empty-stomached for too long. And in the sweltering summer, it’s a wonderfully light, low-calorie, belly-soothing sehri option that will keep you full and your tummy in check through an endless day of fasting.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’m still against the bowl of blah, though.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My beautiful, elegant, warm-souled, clever-humored Nano.</td></tr>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">My solution? <i>Labneh!</i></span></span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">An incredibly versatile middle-eastern cheese, <i>labneh</i> is made by straining yogurt to remove the whey or liquid. What’s left behind is a tangy, creamy ball of soft, spreadable goodness that’s so delicious and simple to make, you’ll wonder why you haven’t been doing this all your life. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It’s become my favorite sehri super-food and I definitely plan to make it a breakfast table staple too.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There’s no such thing as too much cheese, right?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Bonus for the health-conscious: <i>labneh</i> contains less fat and clocks in at almost half the calories of regular cream cheese! Awwwyyyiiiisss!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">On its own, the cheese is soft, smooth, and has a salty, palate-pleasing tang, but if you’re looking for something with a little more pizzaz, try throwing in some fresh or dried herbs, garlic, or whatever else strikes your fancy. I prefer to leaving it plain, serving condiments, herbs, sliced veggies, fresh fruit and berries, jams, honey, olive oil, and some nice, crusty bread on the side. That way everyone can customize to their hearts content. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Labneh</i> smeared thick on lightly toasted multi-grain bread, topped with fresh greens, flaky sea salt, freshly cracked pepper, a squeeze of lemon juice, a pinch or two of sumac, and a drizzle of olive oil. Now that’s my idea of a super-powered sehri!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Serving</b> <b>Tip:</b> If you ride the french-toast-train and can’t live without a sugar-hit at sehri, try topping your cheese with honey or your favorite jam or compote. Or go the extra mile with fresh sliced fruit. Berries and stone fruits such as peaches, plums, and nectarines work beautifully. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2016/08/labneh.html#labneh" name="labneh" target="_blank"><i>Labneh</i>: Strained Yogurt Cheese</a> (makes about 1.5 cups) </b></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ingredients</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4 cups unsweetened yogurt (I highly recommend <i>Anhaar </i>brand yogurt)</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1/2 teaspoon salt</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Directions</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Line a large sieve with two layers of muslin and place over a large bowl. Make sure the base of the sieve does not touch the bottom of the bowl or the yogurt will not strain properly. To avoid this kind of water contact, I place my muslin-lined sieve over a large saucepan instead of a bowl simply because the depth of the pan allows the whey to drain completely.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Stir the salt into the yogurt. I highly recommend <i>Anhaar</i> Unsweetened Yogurt for this particular recipe. I’ve tried several other commercial brands for comparison and this one consistently produces light, creamy, flavorful cheese with just the right hint of the yogurt’s signature sour note, but feel free to substitute with your favorite brand. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Pour the salted yogurt into the muslin. Gather the ends of the muslin and tie the top to create a pouch for the yogurt. Gently squeeze out as much of the whey as possible. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Place the yogurt in the refrigerator to drain for 12-48 hours. The longer the yogurt is strained, the firmer the resulting <i>labneh</i> will be. I find 24 hours makes the perfect cheese. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Storage Tip</b>: To maximize the life of your <i>labneh</i>, roll into 3/4 inch balls, place in a jar (or any other spill-proof container), pour in enough olive to cover the cheese, cap on the lid and refrigerate. Stored like this, your <i>labneh</i> should last for up to 2 weeks.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This article was originally featured in the in Sunday, 3 July 2016 issue of Dawn Newspaper’s Images Magazine Online Edition.</span></i></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-66170571772770286732016-06-06T18:26:00.000+05:002016-11-20T12:53:42.966+05:00The Trump Card: Pakistan Gets Real About The Donald<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">American Flag Bald Eagle Image Credit: <a href="http://guff.com/20-bald-eagles-who-love-america">http://guff.com/20-bald-eagles-who-love-america</a></span></td></tr>
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<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>UPDATE November 9, 2016: Fittay moo, America!</b></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, a bigoted billionaire with terrible hair ran for president. He was arrogant, he was brash, and, amongst racists and right-wingers, he was all the rage.</b></span></i></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>At the same time, in another land, a land not so far way, a land far superior in its grace and piety, where molestation was a myth, and God’s wrath was predicted by fashion, and actors doubled as the moral police, the powers that be tut-tutted.</b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>"Only in America," they sighed. </b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>And so they sat down to do what they did best; pen a heartfelt white-paper to this lost nation.</b></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“ Dear Infidels,</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Hello from the other side. We must have called a thousand times. To you tell that, under normal circumstances, we'd laugh at that circus you're running on your side of the pond, say <i>lakh laanat</i>, and be on our way, but not this time. This time, you've got us worried. Hello? Presidential election? That clown you’re actually calling your Republican nominee? <i>Dekho</i>, <i>sachi baat hai</i>, it's not like we're affected by your politics or anything, but have you ever asked yourself, <i>log kya kahein gay</i>?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Or have you forgotten those eight glorious years of Bush buffoonery? </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Khair,</i> we're not going to be petty and dig up dirt from the past — some secrets will go with us to the Abu-Grave — but, really, at this point we think <i>chaddi buddies</i> like us owe each other complete honesty. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It's worked so well all those other times. You know, like after 9/11 when we flipped you the bird and refused to be sucked in that War on Terror debacle.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Chalo</i>, <i>mitti pao,</i> everyone makes mistakes. You more than others, but who's counting, right? Good news is, there’s still time to do the right thing, gentlemen. The exact same thing we would do if we were in your place (not that <i>that</i> would ever happen). Just take ownership of your bumbling behavior and be ready to make some big changes. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Or find a General who's up to the task. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">LOL, just kidding. Military interventions are soooo 1997.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All you really need a nudge in the right direction. Perhaps, a vision. Maybe even a game-plan. Or, like, maybe, you just need us…and our unsolicited words of wisdom.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Mian Saab Caricature Image Credit: <a href="http://www.indiandefensenews.in/2016/02/defence-expert-calls-sharif-rubber.html">http://www.indiandefensenews.in/2016/02/defence-expert-calls-sharif-rubber.html</a><br />Trump Caricature Image Credit: <a href="http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3311169/posts">http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/3311169/posts</a></span></td></tr>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Come on, man, Modi popped in to split some birthday rotis. According to Maryam, that’s what the youths would call “killing it,” so, really, saving that sinking ship you call your country should be a cakewalk for us. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just don’t tell the Saudis about our little helping-hand arrangement. That Hajj Tent is sweeeeet!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">By the way, before we really get down to it, you should know that tough times mean you’ll have to answer some tough questions — like the ones that crazy conspiracy theorist, Jibran Nasir, never stops asking us. Annoying git — so you might want to ask your toupèe-touting Mirinda </span></span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke: rgb(0, 0, 0); font-family: "helvetica";">Man to hire a new speechwriter to toss the word salads he’s been serving up.</span><br />
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Loser, stupid, shut-up, YUGE? You can’t use that kind of vocabulary AND run for president!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jahil insaan! </span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Have you ever heard any kind of foul language on our front?</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Khair</i>, let’s start at the beginning, shall we? And by "beginning" we mean your most recent botch-job. And by "most recent botch-job" we obviously mean that whole Tashfeen Malazai fiasco.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">First, and, <i>Allah ki kasam</i>, we don't mean to be harsh, it takes a slew of color-blind dum-dums to miss all those red flags, so once the candlelit vigils and change.org petitions die down, you might want to have a word with the Hardy Boys over at Immigration. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">No offense, but bang-up job, <i>bhaiyon.</i></span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Letting her into the country? Sloppy. Shooting her dead? Over fourteen people? PMS much? </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We've lost thousands and you don't see us creating a ruckus. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">What ever happened to APC's, and joint committees, and taking notice, and demanding immediate and in-depth investigative reports? What ever happened to <i>shadeed muzammat</i> and <i>tashfeesh</i>? Whatever happened to due process?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This is the 21st century, gentlemen. Not the Alamo.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Apprehend the suspect, at a leisurely pace. Because even though dozens of people witnessed him pump bullets into the Governor in broad daylight, it still doesn’t determine guilt, you know? We leave the <i>hisaab-kitaab </i>to Allah Mian, in these parts. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Phir bhee, </i>if you want to contain “public outrage”<i>, teeli-tappa </i>is important, so proceed to take the case to low-level courts, allowing lawyers and loyalists to shower the villain with rose petals and sloppy kisses. Lock that badass away at a minimum-security facility to live out the rest of those years in isolation — except when those hordes of village women pop up to seek the mischief-maker's holy blessings, spiritual guidance, and exorcisms. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We'd put an end to that drudgery, but religious discrimination is unconstitutional in these parts.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Still. No air-conditioning. Or Netflix.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ultimately, you’ll have to hand down a death sentence but, no rush. Take your time with that warrant. And when you do finally execute the bugger…it’s all good in the neighborhood, <i>na</i>?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Dekho jee</i>, <i>that</i> is justice. <i>That</i> is how you get things done. <i>That</i> is how you <i>kill </i>extremism.</span></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-size: xx-small;">Pakistani Flag Tiger Image Credit: <a href="http://xoomclips.com/more_clip.php?id=TbxGDsyDdSg">http://xoomclips.com/more_clip.php?id=TbxGDsyDdSg</a></span></td></tr>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Of course, for such justice to prevail, you need to put your best men on the job. Great men willing to make great sacrifices. Men of unshakable faith and morals. Men who are experts in their field. Men like our 17-year-old soil-serving crusader who masterfully suppressed all raging pubescent urges to single-handedly track down hundreds of thousands of porn sites for us to ban. Thanks to him, so far, there has been a 250% decline in sexual desire and activity amongst the general population. </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>That</i>, gentlemen, is grit. <i>That</i> is determination. <i>That</i> is one very strong forearm. And those 64 boxes of double-ply tissue? Worth every <i>paisa.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Seriously, do you know why we don't have ISIS in our country like you do, America? Do you know why we don't have rabid religious fanatics running their rackets right under the nose of the entire state machinery? Do you know why our children don't wind up dead in mass shootings? Do you know why high-profile kidnappings don’t happen here?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Because we don't waste time building walls, dammit! </span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We don't lounge around twiddling our thumbs, sipping chai and eating patties. We monitor security threats with eagle-eyed diligence. Our intelligence is timely and conclusive.We clearly distinguish between the good guys and the dirtbags. And we religiously watch Homeland, for <i>Kaddu Sharif's</i> sake!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We’re safe because our classified internal memos don’t read like, </span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">“<i>Oh my God, Becky! Dramaaaaa. Okay, so don't tell anyone I told you, but someone I know, and no, I can't say who, because I promised, okay fine, it's Sunil from tech, you know Sunil, right, so, yeah, like, last night he was bored so he tapped into Haqqani's phone. What a loser, right? Anyways, so Haqqani was talking to that one-eyed guy, isn't he sooooo creepy, and he was all like, ‘Yeah, no, I know, but why would the new girl lie?’ So cyclops was like, "Because that's what women do, they lie." What a pig, right? So basically, there’s this new chick in suicide training at Al-Qaeda and she leaked that Al-Q thinks ISIS has no chill. Buuuuurrrrnn! So, anyways, Sunil and I are heading out for happy hour around two-fifteen-ish and then we're coming back here later tonight to tap in again. You're coming with us. Bye, sluuuut.</i>”</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We can sleep with both eyes and ears closed because we have a powerful and totally independent regulatory body closely monitoring the media, ensuring those anchors don't get all loosey-goosey with the facts, Allowing criminals and their extreme views national air-time? Not a chance.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Playing on the public's fears and insecurities isn't kosher, gentlemen. It's what got you into a trillion dollar mess in the first place. And it could very well be the reason you might end up with another alarmingly inept joker in the Oval Office. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Really, just grow a pair and tell your boy, T, hate-speech has no place in a civilized society, like ours.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Uffff</i>, seriously, this is so haaaaard. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We hate kicking you when you're down, <i>yaar</i>. Except right now. When you're knee-deep in dung. This is fun. This makes us feel pure and righteous, the way Allah Mian ordained it to be. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Ab chalo, shabash</i>, dig yourself out of this steaming pile of poo.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You’ll have to put your money where your mouth is — unless you have an off-shore account, in which case, we’d stash the cash there. LOL,kidding. who does that, right?</span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A<i>sal mein, </i>though<i>, </i>are you prepared for a seismic shift in your national narrative? Are you prepared to embrace diversity, treat minorities and the underprivileged with respect, and give them unfettered access to poverty-line wages and a life of indignity? And in the event of a false blasphemy accusations and lynchings, can you pull off pretending to care by sending cheap gifts to the bereaved relatives on Christmas?</span></span></div>
<div class="p1">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Think about it<i>.</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Meanwhile, thanks to our infallible leadership, we’ve got answers to all these questions and the ones you never asked. </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Dekho, jaani, baat yeh hai ke</i> real statesmen have their <i>saalan</i>-smeared fingers on the pulse of their nation, a cosmic understanding of the human condition, and an elite team of professionals stalkers to keep tabs on you guys 24/7. It is with this divine sorcery that we have determined what disenfranchised Americans <i>really</i> want and need. And, surprise! It’s precisely what we've been giving hopeless, downtrodden Pakistanis for decades; an education. A stepping stone towards a brighter future. An opportunity to learn valuable lessons about peace, pluralism, and the proper way to handle an assault weapon.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Easy, <i>na?</i></span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Baaki</i>, just, like, get your head in the game.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Listen to your people. Give them a path to follow. Build them roads to a respectable life.</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Open up avenues of opportunity. Provide signal-free corridors to success. Show them the underpasses to upward mobility. Help them climb aboard a metro to a better tomorrow.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i> </i>Unless you’re up for a being trumped by, well, we really don’t have to say it, do we?</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
<div class="p2">
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Challo</i>, we gotta jet. Nihari's getting cold, Chotay Mian is whining about a cramped index finger, and Baray Mian just saw his hotline bling and that can only mean one thing; cat gifs from China! Don't wanna keep bae waiting. So, yeah, good talk and lots of love and luck in all your future fumbles. And from the deepest depths of our hearts, <i>lakh laanat</i>!</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Yours Forever, Sometimes, Maybe,</span></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Nawazoo, Shahbazoo, and the Gang of Dhokay-bazoos ” </span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span class="s1"></span><br /></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And, with a final flourish, they gingerly slipped the love-note into a desi-ghee scented envelope, licked the sajji-flavored glue, sealed it shut, and promptly submitted it to Parliament for proofreading. And, at last, they sat down to dinner.</span></i></span></div>
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<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>The End</b></span></span><br />
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><br /></b></span></span>
<span class="s1"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i style="font-family: Times; text-align: left;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>UPDATE November 9, 2016: Fittay moo, America!</b></span></i></span></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-57904493469152879232016-02-16T17:48:00.000+05:002016-02-18T19:44:58.901+05:00The LAHORE EAT Survival Guide: 12 Genius Tips For Braving The City's Biggest Food Festival<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kHYZGSPADJg/VsMQhhGc4dI/AAAAAAAAEX4/WFFP_H_yHLc/s1600/Lahore%2BEat%2BSurvival%2BGuide.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://3.bp.blogspot.com/-kHYZGSPADJg/VsMQhhGc4dI/AAAAAAAAEX4/WFFP_H_yHLc/s640/Lahore%2BEat%2BSurvival%2BGuide.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In case you’ve been living under a rock and haven’t heard, the biggest, craziest, most fantastical food festival this city has ever seen is set to kick off in 10 days! The <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/987726067973056/" target="_blank">Lahore Eat Food Festival</a> is the highly anticipated off-shoot of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/karachieat/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Karachi Eat</a>, a much hyped and wildly popular three-day event showcasing the city's finest in food and dining. And for the past three years, it's had Karachiites raving about the fun, casual atmosphere and how awesome it is to have Karachi's most popular eateries all in one place. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I feel you, Karachi. Who doesn’t want to spend a weekend soaking up the sun and snacking up a storm?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Now, FINALLY, <i class="">shukaralhamdulilah, </i><span class="">us </span></span><i style="font-family: 'trebuchet ms', sans-serif;">khaata-peeta </i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Lahoris are about to get a taste of what's kept Karachi captivated.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just one the thing, though. If you’ve ever attended a large-scale festival you probably know that things can get kinda crazy if you’re not prepped before the party gets going. Fortunately for you guys, Hunger & Haw Hai’s slapped together some genius tips and tricks for braving the city’s hottest food festival and having some serious pee-in-your-pants fun while you’re there. </span></div>
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<a name='more'></a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Here are Hunger & Haw Hai’s 12 Genius Tips For Braving Lahore Eat.*</span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oiOx9NZ9zjU/VsMQgDsCHyI/AAAAAAAAEX8/uL_NQUSzx5U/s1600/IMG_4948.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oiOx9NZ9zjU/VsMQgDsCHyI/AAAAAAAAEX8/uL_NQUSzx5U/s640/IMG_4948.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Survival Kit: Everything I need to get my Eat on!</td></tr>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>#12 </b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Go With A Game-Plan</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Spontaneity is super, but this is not the time for that. Short-list your must-eats and make a beeline for those hotspots first or you might miss the magic. Popular stalls usually have long queues, or worse, sell out lightning fast, so map out your route and make note of it on your phone. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>#11 Bring Your Buddies</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Save flying solo for another adventure. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Food + Friends = Primo fun.<br /> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>#10 Carry Cash</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><span style="font-family: Times, Times New Roman, serif;">Correction: An earlier version of this post mentioned that Lahore Eat vendors would not be accepting cash payments. This information was in inaccurate and has been corrected below.</span></i></span> </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">Trust me, there is no greater buzzkill than your wallet running dry right when you've made it to the front of the line, so hit up your nearest ATM before you head over to the festival. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">#9 </span>Take A Camera (As In Your Phone…)</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just saying. Because it’s 2016. And Instagram. And you know you want to. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">P.S. For a chance to get those gorgeous photos featured on <a href="https://www.instagram.com/hungerandhawhai/" target="_blank">Hunger & Haw Hai’s Instagram</a> and win amazing prizes, don’t forget to use the #HHHEats hashtag!</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">#8 </span></b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Wear Comfy Shoes And Bring A Stroller For Younger Kids</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you show up <i>heelan paa kay</i>, I will cut you. You’ll be walking plenty, so slip into your comfiest sneakers or flats. Your tootsies will thank you. The stroller, of course, is self-explanatory, and you’ll probably thank yourself.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">#7 </span></b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Wear Sunscreen</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">With the Lahori sun beating down, you don’t want to risk burning, so slather some sunscreen on before you head out. Stash some in your tote too, in case you need to reapply.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>#6 </b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Rock Those Shades </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The better to see all those people and goodies with, dahlings!</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: large;"><b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); -webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">#5</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></b></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>Bring Your Own Takeaway Containers</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Vendors at Karachi Eat weren’t offering takeaway options, so bring your own to-go boxes. Trust me, they’ll come in handy when you’re super full, but simply can’t imagine passing up on that delectable treat you’ve been eyeing all day. They’re also super useful for packing away those leftovers you refuse to part with. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Greasy hands. Smudged faces. Spills. Stained clothes. Germs. There are a million reasons this is a fab idea. </span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Jilani Park is lush, green, beautifully landscaped, and the grass is literally begging you to take a seat, so forget scouring for tables and chairs. Bring along an old sheet or blanket for an impromptu picnic in the park.</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>#1 Say NO to driving! Book a ride with <a href="https://www.facebook.com/careempakistan/?fref=ts" target="_blank">Careem</a>!</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Lahore’s roads and traffic are a goddamn nightmare these days, so forget the car, forget the driver, and forget the hell that is finding decent parking. Book a ride with Careem and for a flat Rs.200/-, they’ll pick you up, drive you there, and land you straight at the Careem pick-up/drop-off point. Just download the <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/careem-krym/id592978487?mt=8" target="_blank">Careem app</a>, book a ride using the “HHHEats” promo code**, and roll in like a boss!</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">That’s all, folks! Remember to bring your infamous Lahori appetites and let’s show ‘em Lahore actually mein Lahore hai!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The Lahore Eat Festival runs from 26-28 February at Jilani Park, Polo Ground, Lahore. You can find timings, ticketing information, and more details <a href="https://www.facebook.com/karachieat/?fref=ts" target="_blank">here</a>. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">* These tips were heavily inspired by an awesome post written by some festival-going savant on the <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/karachifooddiary/" target="_blank">Karachi Food Diary</a>, but, for the life of me, I can’t find that particular post, so I have no idea who to give credit to. If you are that wizard, please, come forth, so that I may shower you with praise and accolades.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">** Promo code valid from Friday 26th February 2016 to Sunday 28th February 2016. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com18tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-54154439941316013122016-02-04T19:41:00.000+05:002016-02-18T20:24:27.593+05:00Why 2016 Is The Year Of No Regrets + Roasted Beet, Orange, & Shaved Onion Salad <div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So now that we're all comfortably into the new year, I have a question. Do you guys do New Year’s resolutions? Personally, even though <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2012/12/kungpaowontons.html" target="_blank">I’ve played with the idea in past</a>, I’ve always remained a little iffy about self-improvement schemes. Last year, though? Total game-changer. Very pregnant and very <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2013/01/chickenpotpie.html" target="_blank">determined to avoid another round of postpartum depression</a>, I silently made a vow — no more perfectionism. No more obsessing over inane details. No more “everything needs to be just right or my entire existence is worth pigeon poop”. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Do you have any idea what decades of that drama does to you? It turns you into an A-grade indecisive procrastinator, paralyzed by the fear of making mistakes. So, I was going to<b> try </b>and<b> </b>spend less time stressing, more time getting things done, and be a little kinder to myself when shit happened. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Long story short: nailed it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Y</i>ou guys! I think I might actually be adulting!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Khair, </i>now, obviously, I’m all gung-ho about this whole goal-oriented personal-growth thing, so I’ve kicked the year off with another oath...</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2016 is the year of No Regrets.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Of course, because I'm not Allah Mian, I'll inevitably find myself in situations that’ll leave me cringing for all eternity — my fashion choices in my twenties, forgetting that, after 30, hangovers are a raging three-day trip of death and despair, hugging Shoaib Akhtar — I may never fully recover from these abominations.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Even worse, the pact probably won't protect me from feeling supremely shitty when stupidity strikes either. The only thing that can fix those feels is one too many nights of melodramatic <i>hichki-wala rona dhona</i>, sticky <i>choohas</i> dribbling down my face, </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">and obscene amounts of cake.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But the point isn’t to not make mistakes or save myself from occasionally feeling like an incredible idiot. Both these things are probably good for my ego. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The real goal is to <b>try </b>and dodge dodgy ~regrettables~ by<b> </b>making better decisions to begin with. Informed decisions. Deliberate decisions.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">All that’s required is the ability to stop being a <i>dheet haddi</i> for five seconds and <b>knowing three things...</b></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>1. </b><i>KNOW</i><b> WHO YOUR FRIENDS ARE</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It’s always good to know who’s got your back and who’ll bring you Mickey D’s and a trashy TV series to binge-watch when you’re PMSing. It’s even better knowing who’s going to dish out zero judgement and a brutal reality check when they catch you hurtling towards a mountain of shame and embarrassment.</span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />Like, this one time, in band camp, I showed up to a party totally feeling my look. And then I tried to sass a pal with my look-at-me-looking-super-fine speech. “You look hot, babe…and there’s a foot-long curly hanging out your nose,” she smiled. "Tuck it back in, immediately.”</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />WTAF! I was mortified. I was pissed at her for pissing on my prima donna parade. But as I proceeded to pluck that bad-boy out, I was so very grateful.<br />I mean, yeah, being cut down to size a total bummer. And, yes, it harsh and so not what I wanted to hear. And, no, the roasting and hysterical laughter that followed wasn’t fun either.<br /><br />But was it worse than walking around like a pompous, hairy-nosed jackass all night? Abso-fucking-lutely NOT.<br /><br />Seriously, your best buds have your best interests at heart, so step lively when they speak.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large; font-weight: bold;">2.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b> </b><i>KNOW</i><b> YOUR PRIORITIES</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Being clear about what’s really important to you can be intimidating AF. No jokes, I struggle with this one every damn day. It requires patience, which I’m not naturally blessed with. And it means being bare-naked honest about personal choices, without constantly apologizing for them, which, in my case, induces mild nausea, sweaty palms, and frayed nerves. <br /><br />The rewards are rich, though. Prioritizing is like creating a blue-print to base your decisions on. <br /><br />Like, for me, my babies always come first. <br /><br />So, even though there’ll always be some maami/khala/phupi-saas who’ll go nuts if I don’t attend her kumayti-milaad-brunch-exhibition, the priority pyramid simplifies things by a thousand percent. For one, it makes it abundantly clear that their opinions have nothing on my children’s well-being. Of course, it’s also an excellent reminder that their taanas and leaving the kids alone for hours on end drives me batshit insane.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So, yeah, no-brainer. Sorry, not sorry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just try to figure out what matters most — there are no hard and fast rules here — plan accordingly, and work on mustering a pair of gargantuan balls to help you stand your ground.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>3. </b><i>KNOW</i><b style="font-style: italic;"> </b><b>HOW TO BE COMFORTABLE IN YOUR OWN SKIN</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span> <span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Face it, we’ve all experienced moments of self-doubt — is this blazing orange lipstick meant to be worn in broad daylight, am I too cheap to shell out for a Netflix subscription, is it totally ajeeb and besharam to have a mild crush on a Jonas brother, </span><a href="http://www.parhlo.com/14-unbelievable-fatwas-given-by-reputed-islamic-scholars/" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">do I really want to damage my ovaries by driving</a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">? The truth is, nobody knows what’s best for you better than you. Except, maybe, your mom. Moms know everything we wish we knew and more. </span><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/11/marinatedmozzarellabites.html" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">Always listen to your mom</a><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Having said that, try not to forget you’re a grown-ass adult and you probably wouldn’t have made it this far in life if you were an actual dum-dum. So, <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2014/09/beetpickleddeviledeggs.html">aunties, mean girls, and evil in-laws be damned, trust your gut</a>.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Or you can do what I did and learn the hard way.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Year 1</i></b>: Less than 3 months into marriage, <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2012/12/wasabifishcakes.html">young, insecure newlywed receives endless heat from posh, judgy trolls</a> over her summer wardrobe. Khulla-thaan shirt pieces from Auriga? How…middle class. Young, insecure newlywed tries to prevents further assaults by investing in scads of 3-piece joras — chiffon dupattas, of course.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Year 2:</i></b> Young fool proudly pulls out last year’s lawn, convinced those catty old crows will be left speechless with her sartorial selection. Putting on the previous season’s prints? How…tacky. Young fool bolts to buy the latest prints and have them tailored before the week is up.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Year 3:</i></b> Not so young, but still frighteningly foolish fool shops off the latest catalogs for a fresh batch of outfits before summer sets in. Eat that, you stone-hearted sarroos, she thinks. But donning designs from the season’s first catalog? When mid-summer styles hit the racks three days ago? How…cheap. Realizing lawn has become a security blanket, not-so-young fool hits rock-bottom.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b><i>Year 4:</i></b> Nope. Nuh-uh. Can’t even. Bye, losers!</span></blockquote>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Moral of the story: You can’t be the master of your own destiny if you aren't even capable of picking an outfit. Seriously, disapproval is the demon that never quits, so show that microscopic scrutiny the middle finger, have faith in your judgement, and call your own shots.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Really, go ahead, crack that dirty joke, buy your chappals from a thela, ugly-cry in public, eat with your hands, loudly tell that gross chaar-bachon-ka-baap who keeps hitting on you to back the hell off, and give zero fucks if people don’t like it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ultimately, though, just remember that all wizardly decision-making skills aside, spontaneous stupidity will always be a thing, so cut yourself some slack. </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You’re a person, not a cyborg. Unless you are, in which case, take me to your leader. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>Waisay bhee,</i> you know what’s really going to make 2016 the year of no regrets? The fact that instead of sitting on your hands, waiting for things to happen, and wallowing in self-pity when they don’t go your way, you’re being brave-bordering-on-crazy and giving this whole grab-life-by-the-balls thing a real shot. Plus, you’re willing to stare that shame-o-meter straight in the eyes and own your fumbles like a goddamn boss. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So, regrets? What regrets?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Happy, happy New Year, kittens!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>ROASTED BEET, ORANGE & SHAVED ONION SALAD</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’ve been meaning to bust out my Roasted Beet, Orange, And Shaved Onion Salad for a while now, but this has got be the most goddamned perfect opportunity ever. Start the new year off with some sparkle, amirite? I know you rolled your eyes there. Fine, okay, agreed, a salad doesn’t sound super sexy or spectacular, but just hear me out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Every year, as calendars are reset, millions of people vow to eat better, get buffer, and stay that way forever. And, every year, sure as shit, many of those same millions fall off the wagon before February even rolls around, and, of course, there’s guilt and shame abound.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Look, I get it. For us regular folk, the struggle to be our best selves AND become the next Bear Grills is very real. But, sorry, kittens, I don’t get 42 Day Challenges, and juice detoxes, and uncertified “fitness experts”, and <i>teeka </i>diets, or any kind of alarmingly rigid carb-fat-sugar-deprived sadness.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Eating right and getting fit can’t be <i>that </i>complicated. Or at least it shouldn’t be. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Forget the organic, gluten-free, soy-based, low-fat, grass-fed, zero-preservatives, all-natural labels for a second. Shut out whatever those extreme fitness fools are trying to sell. Just focus on eating food that’s fresh, local, and seasonal and you’re in solid shape (all puns intended).</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Sticking to seasonal ingredients guarantees that the product you're using is in its prime, which means tons of extra flavor and peak nutritional value. Plus, locally sourced food usually spends a lot less time in transport and storage, so whatever you’re eating is likely as close to fresh as possible. Bonus: you’re cutting down your carbon footprint <i>and </i>you’re helping the local economy. SCORE!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Aside from that, <b><i>once in a while</i></b>, it’s a-okay to be the utter heathen you really are and eat that triple-patty-extra-cheese-extra-sauce-extra-heartburn monstrosity, but, FFS, you can’t constantly eat like a beast and then pray on bended knee for a bangin’ bod. God’s a busy guy. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Moderation, sweet children, moderation. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So, back to the salad. I picked this recipe because <i>a) </i>I want to show the non-believers that healthy doesn’t have to mean hard or ho-hum, <i>b) </i>I love oranges and I love beets, and <i>c) </i>a Roasted Beet, Orange, and Shaved Onion Salad is a breathtakingly beautiful and darn delicious way to show you guys the crazy cool colors, flavors, and textures that come alive when you combine fresh, seasonal produce.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Personally, I’m nuts about the earthiness of both raw and boiled beets, and the fact that they’re magenta-hued is bloody magical, but there’s something about <i>roasted</i> beets that makes them really special. See, when beets spend some cozy quality time in the oven, the natural sugars in these bulbous beauties begin to caramelize and all those mild naturally sweet notes find some serious depth and complexity </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Layer these tender jewel-toned babies with slices of zippy bright citrus — in my case, local <i>maaltas</i> and ombre blood oranges. Add crisp shaved onions for a much-needed touch of heat and finish with some herby fresh cilantro. A squeeze of lemon juice. A slug of good olive oil. Salt. Cracked pepper. Boom. Done. Delicious.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Eat <i>that</i>, health nuts!</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Roasted Beet, Orange, And Shaved Onion Salad (4-6 servings)</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Adapted from, <i>Blood Orange, Beet, And Fennel Salad</i>, by <a href="http://bonappetit.com/" target="_blank"><b>BonAppetit.com</b></a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4 medium beets* (see <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2016/02/beetandorangesalad.html#notes"><i><b>recipe notes</b></i></a>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4 oranges (use a sturdy variety like blood oranges or local <i>maaltaas</i>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2 tablespoons fresh lemon juice</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 medium red onion, very thinly sliced (about a 1/2 cup)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1/4 cup cilantro (or) mint</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">4-6 cups salad greens* (optional, <i>see <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2016/02/beetandorangesalad.html#notes" style="font-weight: bold;">recipe notes</a></i>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Preheat your oven to 200 degrees celsius. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Trim the tops and roots off the beets, but leave the skin on. Wash the beets and individually wrap each beet in foil. Pop the wrapped beets onto a baking tray and stick them in the oven for about 1 hour or until the beets are tender when pierced with a knife. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Alternatively, you could boil the beets, but they won’t be as flavorful as the roasted variety because the sugars haven’t caramelized as much. To boil beets, place in a pot, cover with water and a couple of tablespoons of vinegar, and simmer for about 45 minutes, or until tender. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Using a very sharp knife, peel all the skin and bitter white pith off the oranges. Slice the oranges into rounds and the then cut them down the middle into half moons. Poke out all the seeds and place the slices in a bowl and drizzle with lemon juice. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Trim the top and roots off the onion, peel, and slice into very thin rounds. The reason you want paper-thin slices is so that the flavor of raw onions doesn’t overpower the rest of the salad. In case you feel like your onions are on the thicker side, you can get rid of some of the heat and bite by rinsing them well under some cold running water for a couple of seconds. A <a href="http://www.seriouseats.com/2015/01/what-are-the-best-cheap-mandoline-vegetable-fruit-slicers.html" target="_blank"><b>mandolin</b></a> would be perfect for getting those super-fine slices you’re after, but a sharp knife and a firm grip should get the job done just fine.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Once the beets are cool enough to handle, carefully peel the skin away. It should slip off quite easily. Slice the beets into thin rounds. If you’d prefer mixing up the textures in your salad, go ahead and cut the beets into small, chunky wedges. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Plate up by layering the beets, oranges, and onions. Finish up with a generous drizzle of good olive, some salt, and a good grind of fresh black pepper. Garnish with cilantro. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">*<b>Beets</b>: Opt for fresh ingredients whenever possible, but if fresh beets aren’t available, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with reaching for the canned variety. They aren’t roast-able, but because most canned and frozen vegetables are picked at their peak, you’re still getting most, if not all, of those great nutritional benefits, so no harm done. For this recipe, substitute with two 8oz cans of beets. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">*<b>Salad Greens</b>: If you’re going to use leafy greens, whisk together a couple of tablespoons of orange and lemon juice with a big glug of olive oil and drizzle over the salad before serving to keep the things from running dry. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com30tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-76116119830375404512015-12-25T22:40:00.000+05:002015-12-25T23:06:25.991+05:00Happy Holidays: Spiced Gingerbread Cupcakes with Orange Cream Cheese Frosting<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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Is it just me or is the holiday season absolutely lovely. The cheer, the festive feels, the food — oh my God, the food! That’s what it’s all about, right? Peace, love, and obscene gluttony? Really, forget the formalities, just lead me to your table, and I’ll take it from there. </div>
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Pro tip: the larger the spread, the better. Don’t worry. I’m wearing my Joey pants. </div>
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Of course, because holiday feasting is all about abundance, all that cooking and prepping can get overwhelming, so I always encourage hosts to divvy up the workload. Asking friends and family to pitch in will give you a much needed break from the mayhem and it’s a great way to get everyone into the spirit of giving. </div>
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All it requires is a little bit of pre-planning, but once those appetizers, and salads, and sides, or, for the ambitious ones in your group, mains and desserts, have been assigned, you’re on the highway to a happy holiday.</div>
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And in case you’re not hosting, offer to lend a hand. Do good, feel good, and all that jazz. </div>
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Personally, I like sticking to the savory side of the menu — I suck at the sorcery that is dessert-making — but I’ve copped out of bringing something sweet to the table for so long, I’m convinced my luck’s about to run out soon. In anticipation of this crisis, <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 51, 255);">I dug up and tweaked <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2012/12/gingerbreadcupcakes.html" target="_blank">a super Christmas-y recipe I scored off petite patissier, Muneeze Khalid, a couple of years ago</a></span>. Hopefully, these cupcakes should keep any confectionary fiasco from unfolding.<br />
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I asked Muneeze for this particular recipe for a couple of reasons. </div>
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First, who doesn’t love a cupcake? Little portable cakes, zero plates and utensils required. WIN. Also, let’s be real, what’s more festive than gingerbread? Finally, any excuse to gorge on an inappropriate amount of cream cheese frosting is a-okay by me.</div>
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Good gingerbread is all about that deep bitter-sweetness of brown sugar and the mild heat of the ginger melting together and marrying beautifully. And the smell, oh, that smell. It’s the stuff scented-candle dreams are made of. It’s what imagine Ina Garten smells like.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 51, 255); color: #0433ff; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://hungerandhawhai.blogspot.com/2012/12/gingerbreadcupcakes.html#gingerbreadcupcakes" target="_blank">Muneeze’s original recipe</a></span> definitely ticked all those boxes. </div>
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But I’m crazy for so many those warm and cozy spices and scents that scream of the holidays — cinnamon, cloves, ginger, orange zest, vanilla — so this year, I coughed up the courage to toy with the master recipe and feature some more of my favorite seasonal flavors</div>
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Top these babies off with light, orange-scented cream cheese frosting and let the festivities begin. </div>
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<b>Spiced Gingerbread Cupcakes with Orange Cream Cheese Frosting (12 large cupcakes)</b></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black;">Adapted from, <a href="http://hungerandhawhai.blogspot.com/2012/12/gingerbreadcupcakes.html#gingerbreadcupcakes" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 51, 255);"><i>Gingerbread Cupcakes with Cream Cheese Icing</i></span></a>, by Muneeze Khalid</span></div>
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Ingredients Spiced Gingerbread Cupcakes</b></div>
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1 teaspoon baking soda</div>
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2 teaspoons ground cinnamon</div>
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2 teaspoons ground ginger</div>
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1/4 teaspoon ground cloves</div>
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1/4 teaspoon vanilla</div>
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1/4 teaspoon salt</div>
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8 tablespoons butter, melted</div>
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1 1/4 cup brown sugar</div>
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1 large egg</div>
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1/2 cup water</div>
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<b>Ingredients Cream Cheese Frosting</b></div>
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6 tablespoons butter, room temperature</div>
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8 ounces (225 grams) cream cheese, softened</div>
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4 cups powdered sugar</div>
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2 teaspoons orange zest (optional)</div>
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1 to 2 tablespoons milk (enough to make a spreadable frosting)</div>
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Preheat your oven to 175 degrees Celsius. Line a cupcake tray with paper liners.</div>
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For the cupcakes, in a large bowl, combine the baking soda, cinnamon, ginger, cloves, and salt.</div>
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In a separate bowl, whisk the butter, brown sugar, vanilla, egg, and water together.</div>
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Add dry ingredients you mixed earlier to the butter-sugar mixture and stir together.</div>
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Use an ice-cream scoop to spoon out individual portions of the batter into cupcake liners.</div>
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Bake for about 20 minutes. To test the cupcakes for doneness, insert a toothpick. If it comes out clean, your cupcakes are ready.</div>
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Cool for at least 30 minutes before frosting. </div>
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For the cream cheese frosting, beat the butter and cream cheese together until light and fluffy. </div>
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Add the sugar and orange zest (if you’re using it) and mix well. </div>
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Add a little bit of the milk at a time, until the frosting becomes a thick, creamy, spreadable consistency. </div>
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To frost, feel free to pull out those piping bags, unless you’re interested in my cheat route, heaping it on with a spoon. Messy is a look these days.</div>
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Until next time, happy holidays, kittens!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-50237615615931156512015-12-07T21:40:00.000+05:002016-02-02T21:09:55.155+05:00Getting Serious With Saad Haroon...Sort Of + Salted Caramel Popcorn<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;">For tickets and details , hit up <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1149489965080062/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;"><i>Don’t Jealous Jaani, My Heart is Pakistani</i></span></a> on Facebook. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;">You know what kind of people I love? Funny people. Yes, I know. The smart ones are pretty amaze too, but just hear me out. I fangirl over a killer sense of humor the way I imagine tweens do over Zayn Malik because, plot twist, the hilarious ones are usually razor sharp. </span></div>
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How do I know?</div>
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Because I spent the summer reading memoirs by some of my favorite comedians — Tina Fey, Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, you are goddesses — and I’m convinced that even The Oracle and Paulo Coelho’s love-spawn wouldn’t have shit on these women. </div>
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You won’t find a lot of wreck-your-soul-and-slave-to-rebuild-it style drama in these books. But what you will find plenty of are endearing, bare-naked anecdotes speaking the honest-to-goodness truth that life is awkward, and we’re all awkward, but the struggle doesn’t have to be so real — just stop taking yourself so seriously.</div>
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That’s the thing with great comedy, right? It’s relatable. And <i>that</i> is <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Saad.Haroon.Comedian/?fref=ts" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;">Saad Haroon</span></a> in a nutshell. Talking to Pakistan’s funniest funny man is like chatting with an old friend. Comfortable. Easy. Unaffected. </div>
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Bonus: his jokes are cracking, his gestures are all-over-the-place wild, and his eyebrows are totally on fleek.</div>
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You might know Saad as the creator of the super funny and wildly successful improv comedy troupe, BlackFish, or as the <a href="http://saadharoon.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;">creator and host of Pakistan’s first satirical news show, The Real News</span></a>. More recently, though, he’s been killing it overseas, winning the title of the <a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x28rzpe_funniest-person-in-the-world-finals-laugh-factory_lifestyle" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;">2nd Funniest Person In The World at The Laugh Factory in Hollywood</span></a> and performing sold out shows around the world.</div>
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Now, he’s back on home turf with his side-splitting stand-up tour, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1149489965080062/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;"><i>Don’t Jealous Jaani, My Heart is Pakistani</i></span></a>, so I caught up with him for a quick tête<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(84, 84, 84); color: #545454;">-à-</span>tête<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(84, 84, 84); color: #545454;"> </span>.</div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9hldydVctX0/VmcGV-RV2gI/AAAAAAAAETo/qgDn-nORvnI/s1600/12243455_10154298503980110_9053944323515447862_n.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9hldydVctX0/VmcGV-RV2gI/AAAAAAAAETo/qgDn-nORvnI/s640/12243455_10154298503980110_9053944323515447862_n.png" style="cursor: move;" width="640" /></a>It started out with polite predictability. <i>“Hi.” “How are you?” “Thank you.” “No, thank you.” “No, seriously, thank you.” </i>But a quick mention that we’re recording the interview and, suddenly, there he is. Saad Haroon, in all his hysterically comical glory, primping and pouting into the camera, fluffing his hair, pointing out how fabulous his imaginary “nude” lipstick looks. </div>
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Ladies and gentleman, it’s show time!<br />
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<b><i>On a scale of 1 to Hai hai, nikamma, what’s the most absurd reaction you’ve received to your career choice?? </i></b></h3>
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I’m not stereotypically successful, you know. I’m not a doctor, I’m not an engineer, I mean, I might as well be a bum, so I’ve gotten every reaction under the sun, but I think the best one came from my own parents. When I started hosting The Real News they kind of consoled themselves with, “<i>Challo</i>, at least he wears a suit.”</div>
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<b><i>Do you make up crazy stories when someone asks you, “What’s your real job?”</i></b></h3>
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You know, you’d be surprised, but the conversation rarely gets to that point. I tell them I’m a comedian,there’s a split-second of awkward silence, maybe a quick <i>bechara </i>look, followed by“Beta, aap kay Papa kya karte hein?”</div>
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<b><i>Junaid Jamshed and his beard are seated next to you on a plane. What kind of career advice would you give him?</i></b></h3>
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Oh wow, that man is moving so much product and minting so much money and I’m still slaving to convince aunties and uncles I’m not clinging to Daddy’s coattails…maybe I’m the one who needs JJ and his beard’s advice. </div>
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<b><i>You wore a sherwani when you performed at the Laugh Factory finals, the title of your tour says your heart is Pakistani, but, really, what’s the Pakistani-est thing about you?</i></b></h3>
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Oh my God, hands down, my appetite! Put a tray in front of me and I will literally attack it. I’m serious. I have no shame. And now that I live abroad now and I don’t have <i>that</i> kind of access to desi food anymore, it’s gotten so much worse. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I miss my friends, and all those close ties and deep, unbreakable bonds that are a part of what makes Pakistan home. All I’m saying is, I miss the food more. </div>
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<b><i>What do women really want?</i></b></h3>
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I might get into trouble, but, really, women just want what men have. Power. They want to control the universe. They want everrrrrythiiing. Okay, no, I’m just kidding. The thing is, I think feminism gets a bad rap because it’s conveniently misconstrued as women just being power-hungry, but I grew up with three sisters, and, seriously, the kind of pressure women experience in our society is insane. How to act, what to wear, who to marry. It’s crazy. So when I say women want power, I mean they want the freedom to make their own choices and live their lives the way they want to. It’s so basic and it’s really something the male population of this country gets to take for granted.</div>
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<b><i>You and your shows have been making headlines around the world. Has success and fame made you absolutely insufferable?</i></b></h3>
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Absoluuuuuuutely…not. The thing is, comedy is brutal if you’re doing it for the fame Hitting a punchline and hearing nothing but a a sad little clap or uncomfortable silence triggers all these “Oh my God, I’m such a failure” feelings. That’s when you realize that fame, especially in comedy, is so fleeting. Seriously, I’m only as good as my last joke. But I’ve been very very lucky. The support and love I’ve gotten from Pakistanis around the world is overwhelming, all because I gave them a good laugh. And, obviously, it’s a great chance for me to give people a different view of Pakistan. Those things make it all worth it. </div>
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<b><i>The title of your future best-selling memoir?</i></b></h3>
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<i>Don’t Jealous</i>. No questions asked. I really believe in that philosophy. <i>Seriously</i>, just don’t jealous. You know. Don’t compare yourself to others. Forget what everybody else is doing. Don’t worry about what they expect <i>you</i> to be doing. Just go out, do your thing, and own it.</div>
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<b><i>The one thing we need to teach our future generations?</i></b></h3>
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Government. I mean, how hard can it be, especially here, right? Hey kids, get ready for the most high-level popularity contest of your lives. Win it and live the sweet life, forever. Jokes aside, though, someone really needs to look into teaching our future generations about what an effective, real-life government looks like and how it works.</div>
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<b><i>What makes you go Haw Hai?</i></b></h3>
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People who cut lines. I just can’t…I don’t get it. I mean, can’t you see the rest of us standing right here? Seriously, <i>Haw Hai!</i></div>
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Saad managed to squeeze this interview in between intense rehearsals for opening night in Karachi where the <i>Don’t Jealous Jaani, My Heart is Pakistani</i> tour kicked off this past weekend. The six scheduled shows sold out so quickly, he added an extra night and is now extending his tour and plans on announcing additional dates for Karachi soon. But before he heads back to the city by the sea, Saad Haroon is bringing his act to Lahore, performing at LUMS on the 11th, 12th, and 13th of December and then heading to Islamabad for two shows on the 18th and 19th of December at AQS. </div>
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So, I don’t know about you fine people, but I definitely<i> </i>know where I’m going to be this weekend. </div>
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For more details and info on where to buy tickets, hit up <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1149489965080062/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;"><i>Don’t Jealous Jaani, My Heart is Pakistani</i></span></a> on Facebook. </div>
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Do you know what makes a good show great? A solid snack, that’s what! My definition of “solid snack”? Anything I enjoy shoving into my mouth by the fistful. Shamelessly. With reckless abandon. </div>
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Like salted caramel popcorn.</div>
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It’s the stuff snacking dreams are made of. It’s salty, it’s crunchy, it’s sticky-sweet. It’s everything, really. And the home-made kind is so far beyond anything you’ll find in a box or bag, you’ll thank yourself for your effort and patience with every handful.</div>
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Popping your own corn might seem like a chore, but, again, the results are worth it. The freshly popped kernels are sturdy enough to withstand the heft of thick caramel, plus the popcorn ends up extra crispy, which means, like all other super-snacks, it’s got a deeply satisfying bite.</div>
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By the way, salted caramel popcorn never lasts long at my place. I mean, it’s a grazer’s paradise. So, take my advice: be sneaky, be selfish, make an extra batch, and stash that gold in a secret spot just for yourself. </div>
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Also, if you’re a caramel fiend, like myself, definitely check of my recipe for <b><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2012/11/salted-caramel-peanut-brittle.html" target="_blank">Salted Caramel Peanut Brittle</a>. </b></div>
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<b><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/12/saadharoon.html#recipe" name="recipe" target="_blank">Salted Caramel Popcorn</a> (makes about 10-12 cups)</b></div>
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Adapted from, <i>Caramel Corn, </i>by <a href="http://www.food52.com/" target="_blank">Food52</a></div>
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<b>Ingredients</b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1/2 cup dry corn kernels</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 tablespoon vegetable oil</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">3/4 cup (170 grams) butter</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 cup brown sugar</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 teaspoon vanilla extract</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 teaspoon salt</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1/4 teaspoon baking soda</span></div>
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1. Preheat your oven to 120°C/250°F. Throw the corn and oil into a large pot and cover the pot with a lid. Set it on the stove over a medium-low flame. Once you hear the corn beginning to pop, shake the pot every now and then, to keep it from burning. You’ll know it’s done when the popping sound slows down and you can only hear it every few seconds. Remove from the stove and empty the popcorn into a large bowl.</div>
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2. To make the caramel, melt the butter over a medium heat in a large saucepan. <b>Please, don’t use a small saucepan</b>. When you add baking soda to the caramel, it bubbles up, so the risk of scalding your skin with searing hot sugar is high. Once the butter has melted, add the sugar. After the sugar has melted as well, turn the heat up to high and boil for 3-4 minutes, stirring constantly to keep the caramel from burning. By the way, the darker the caramel i.e. the longer it cooks, the crunchier the popcorn turns out.</div>
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3. Add the vanilla, salt, and baking soda to the caramel and stir carefully. If you’d prefer making plain caramel corn, just cut the salt down to a 1/2 teaspoon.</div>
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4. As soon as the caramel starts to foam, pour it over your pre-prepped popcorn. Using a large spoon, preferably one with a long handle, stir and toss the corn and caramel together until the popcorn is completely coated. You’ll need to work quickly here, otherwise the caramel will clump and harden.</div>
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5. Spread the caramel-coated corn in an even layer on a lined baking sheet. Pop it into the over and bake from 30 minutes to an hour. Just remember to stir the popcorn every 15 minutes or so to break up clumps and coat the corn evenly.</div>
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Happy snacking, lovelies, and enjoy the show!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-83634565943493366762015-11-25T18:44:00.000+05:002015-11-25T19:43:36.679+05:00How To Take Better Food Photos: 5 Simple Secrets<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black;"><i>“</i></span><i style="text-align: left;">As much as it flatters me when I get emails asking for advice about food photography, I rarely have a good response. I don’t think of myself as a real photographer, I never learned accepted techniques. If you like my photos, you’ll probably agree you can get far without this information, though I suspect you could get further with it.” </i></span> <span style="color: #232323; font-family: "times" , "times new roman" , serif; text-align: right;">— <b>Taha Ahmed, </b></span><b><i style="color: #232323; font-family: Times, 'Times New Roman', serif; text-align: right;">Ace Instagrammer</i><span style="text-align: right;"> </span></b></blockquote>
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Do you take pictures of your food? Is it impossible for you to dig into meal without a photo or two? Do you drool over those gorgeous, splashy images that are all over Instagram? Ever wished you could take such mouthwatering shots? </div>
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Me too!</div>
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For most of us, our photography skills are a perpetual work in progress and I, for one, am always looking for pointers to up my food photo game. This time, I stalked, ace Instgrammer, Taha Ahmed, and asked him for his top tip and tricks. </div>
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BTW, even though he doesn’t exclusively photograph edibles, Taha’s images are so clean and beautifully composed, it’s easy to fangirl over his feed. In other words, in case you haven’t had a chance to <a href="https://instagram.com/tahaahmed1/" target="_blank">check out his work</a>, do it now!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://instagram.com/tahaahmed1/" target="_blank">Taha's Instagram feed</a> is to die for and definitely worth following!</td></tr>
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To demonstrate the difference his advice makes, I used my iPhone 6 to take before and after photos using each of his suggestions. The results speak for themselves. </div>
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So, let’s get started!<br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35);"><b>#1 </b></span><b>IT'S ALL ABOUT THE LIGHT</b></span></div>
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Lighting can dramatically effect how a photo turns out and I always recommend shooting in natural light. It usually results in a soft glow with just enough shadows and details to give an image depth. So, I’d encourage beginners to try and be aware of which direction the light is coming from, its intensity, and how it hits the food, and then learn to adjust according to those conditions. To avoid stark lines and harsh shadows, don’t place food in direct sunlight. Do NOT use the built-in flash on your camera. Ever!</div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">#2 MOVE AROUND</span></b></div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Try taking photos from multiple angles. Depending on the food you’ll be photographing, some plates look better from above, others from the side, some at a 45-degree angle, and others at eye level. Try moving around the plate and taking photos at different angles so you can pick your favorite later.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">#3 COMPLICATED CAMERAS ARE OVERRATED</span></b></div>
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A pricey, complicated camera does not guarantee appealing food photos. The secret to striking photographs is the photographer’s vision. A camera isn’t a substitute for talent or creativity. It’s just another tool to help you capture and share your art with the world. In fact, if you use it well, it’s completely possible to get by with just the camera on your phone. People constantly ask me which camera I use. Surprise, it’s not a dSLR! I use my iPhone 4. </div>
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Including simple elements such a unique plates, beautiful cutlery, or even some of the raw ingredients featured in your recipe, adds visual interest and creates the mood of a photo. Having said that, steer clear of excessive, unnecessary clutter.</div>
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Edit your images. In an ideal world, every image would turn out with perfect exposure, gorgeous colors, and zero imperfections. Since that’s not the case, I use <a href="http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B00CH6ATMO/ref=as_li_ss_tl?ie=UTF8&camp=1789&creative=390957&creativeASIN=B00CH6ATMO&linkCode=as2&tag=cooandkatpho-20" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(1, 103, 181); color: #0167b5;">Adobe Lightroom</span></a> and the <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/us/app/vsco/id588013838?mt=8" target="_blank"><span style="color: #551a8b;">VSCO Cam</span></a> app to edit and organize my photos. I don’t know what I would do without them! Photoshop is an option, but I prefer these programs because they keep my files sorted and easy to find, they provide exceptional control over exposure and other technical adjustments, and they’re significantly cheaper.</div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">So there you have it. No fuss, no frills. Just 5 simple and effective steps for taking fabulous food photos. Definitely give them a shot and let me know how it turns out. </span></div>
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Until next time, kittens, strike a pose!</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com61tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-79036368744273058142015-11-12T20:44:00.001+05:002015-12-08T17:32:52.246+05:0011 Legit Life Lessons From My Mother + Garlic & Herb Marinated Mozzarella Bites<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<i><b>To my mother: Some women are born to shine. Others are born to blind you with their brilliance. I love you. </b></i></blockquote>
Once you have kids, there are a couple of things you realize very quickly. </div>
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Some are rickety cliches, but mostly true. <i>There is no such thing as “alone time”.</i> <i>You’ll be astounded by your own capacity to love. Your children are your greatest strength and your greatest weakness.</i><br />
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Others realities are a little more esoteric. You know. Like that overwhelming impulse to try and instill 7.2 billion nuggets of earth-shattering wisdom into those little sponge-like minds before they venture out into this wild and crazy world because you’re determined to equip your babies with everything they’ll need to know in order to tackle the pain in the ass that is adult life.</div>
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The struggle is real, people. </div>
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My mom insists I’m overthinking things. </div>
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Easy for her to say. </div>
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When it comes to imparting the secrets of life, she’s like some sort of Shaolin monk. Totally fierce,totally slick. Her “you move, you die” look is on point and her “doing trumps saying” game is seriously strong. </div>
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In other words, she’s almost never had to verbalize any of these rules. Instead, she’s quietly lived by them, silently allowing us to choose between f*cking up or following suit. </div>
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That’s some mad power, yo! You can read more about her championship-winning child-rearing skills <a href="http://bit.ly/1GYhmGt" target="_blank">here</a>. </div>
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<span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;">Meanwhile, here are 11 of the most life-altering lessons she’s taught me. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif; font-size: x-large;"><b>11 Legit Life Lessons From My Mother</b></span></div>
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<td style="height: 64.0px; padding: 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px; width: 459.0px;" valign="top"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;"><b>#4 Vanity: </b>The quickest way to confirm you’re an asshole. Yes, she actually uses <i>that</i> word. Yes, I’m as jarred as you are.</span></td>
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<td style="height: 60.0px; padding: 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px; width: 459.0px;" valign="top"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;"><b>#5 Confidence: </b>There will always be haters. You do you, baby girl. SLAY!</span></td>
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<td style="height: 60.0px; padding: 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px; width: 459.0px;" valign="top"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;"><b>#7 Experiences: </b>Don’t be afraid. The good, the bad, the ugly — take it in and let it move you.</span></td>
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<td style="height: 37.0px; padding: 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px; width: 459.0px;" valign="top"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;"><b>#8 Money: </b>Don’t grow on trees — B.U.D.G.E.T.</span></td>
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<td style="height: 60.0px; padding: 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px 4.0px; width: 459.0px;" valign="top"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black; font-family: "trebuchet ms"; font-size: 16px;"><b>#9 Patience: </b>Breathe, stretch, shake, let it go. Yes, I just referenced my mom with a rap song.</span></td>
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Just so you know, I plan on passing every single one of these down to my own cubs. Thank you, Mama! I love you.</div>
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Because I’ve spent pretty much all of this post talking about my totally badass mom, it only makes sense to close with a recipe that sticks to the flavors I know she loves. </div>
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I settled on marinating some pillowy bocconcini — delicate 2 inch balls of mild mozzarella cheese — in heaps of fresh dill, fiery chili flakes, citrusy lemon peel, thin slivers of garlic, and some good quality olive oil. Just throw everything in a jar or airtight container, refrigerate for a couple of hours, et voilà! </div>
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What you end up is a bright, beautifully fragrant, delicately infused cheese that makes a heavenly healthy snack on its own, or an absolutely divine and effortlessly elegant light-bite served with some crusty bread and a side of fresh tomatoes. </div>
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I know, I know. With cooler temps around the corner, this recipe is a tad summery, but I’m operating on the assumption that between all the fried food and generous libations you’ll almost definitely be consuming in the upcoming holiday season, a touch of cool freshness would probably be a welcome break. </div>
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BTW, you can prep the cheese and stick it in the fridge up to a week in advance, but if you’re planning to hold it any longer, just make sure you skim over the health warning I’ve included below.</div>
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Bonus: Once you’ve run out of cheese in the jar, the leftover oil can be used to make salad dressings, tossed through pasta for extra flavor, or, if you’re shameless like me, grab a baguette and dive in. Seriously, no regrets.</div>
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A quick last word before you dig into the recipe: you’ll notice most ingredients aren’t listed in definite quantities. That’s because there’s tons of wiggle room for customizing flavors by swapping out herbs and spices or using a different variety of cheese, so I don’t want you guys to get too caught up with the recipe. Check out the <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/11/marinatedmozzarellabites.html#notes">recipe notes</a> for some suggestions to get started and then go with whatever curls your toes.</div>
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<b><span style="font-kerning: none; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/11/marinatedmozzarellabites.html#recipe" name="recipe" target="_blank">Garlic & Herb Marinated Mozzarella Bites</a></span> (Serves 6 to 8)</b></div>
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Adapted from <i>Marinated Feta </i>by David Lebovitz</div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Ingredients</b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 cup olive oil</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">5 cloves garlic, thinly sliced + 3 cloves garlic, roughly chopped</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">2-3 tablespoons fresh dill, roughly chopped </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1 teaspoon dried thyme</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1/2-1 teaspoon whole black peppercorns</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Peel of 1 large lemon, thinly sliced</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">1-2 tablespoons red wine vinegar</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Red pepper flakes, to taste</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Salt, to taste</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">500 grams bocconcini</span> </span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">(<a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/11/marinatedmozzarellabites.html#notes">see recipe notes</a>)</span></div>
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*<b style="color: red;">HEALTH WARNING</b><b>:</b><span style="color: #323333;"> As crazy-stupid addicted as I am to the zing of raw garlic, if you’re planning to store your cheese for any longer than a week, using it raw could potentially pose a serious health risk. You can find the science to back it up </span><a href="https://theolivepress.com/news-blog/be-aware-of-the-risks-of-botulism-with-homemade-garlic-infused-oil#.VkSjc85UTVp" style="color: #323333;" target="_blank">here</a><span style="color: #323333;">. </span><b style="color: #323333;"><i>To</i></b><i style="color: #323333;"> </i><b style="color: #323333;"><i>extend the shelf life of your cheese</i> </b><span style="color: #323333;">and prep your ingredients for prolonged storage, skip the raw stuff. </span></div>
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Place the roughly chopped garlic and olive oil in a small saucepan and gently heat over a medium lowish flame. Chopped garlic can burn and go bitter pretty quickly, so just keep an eye on it. You don’t want any color. When it begins to bubble gently, about 2-3 minutes, take the pan off the heat and allow the oil to cool slightly. </div>
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While the oil is still warm, throw in the dried thyme and chili flakes. Stirring them in at this point rather than of when the oil has completely cooled is important because the mild heat helps release the natural flavors of thyme and chili, infusing the oil quickly and deeply. </div>
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Toss the dill, peppercorns, lemon peel, vinegar,salt, and sliced garlic straight into the cooled oil. </div>
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Place a quarter of the cheese in a jar or other airtight container. Now pour a couple of teaspoons of the infused oil over the cheese. Repeat this layering process to until the jar is nearly full. Slowly pour the remaining oil into the jar until the cheese is completely submerged in the oil. Make sure there’s at least a 1 inch gap between the surface of the oil and the mouth of the jar.</div>
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Pop it into the refrigerator to marinate overnight or up to a week. The oil might begin to solidify when stored in the fridge, but don’t worry. There’s a simple fix. Just bring it down to room temperature before serving.</div>
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<b><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/11/marinatedmozzarellabites.html#notes" name="notes">Recipe Notes:</a></b></div>
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To get you started on customizing your own nuggets of cheese heaven, here’s a quick list of some of delicious flavoring suggestions.</div>
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* HERBS: If you’re planning on using dried herbs, just remember they’re a lot more potent, so it’s important to adjust the quantity you use. The rule of thumb is <b><i>1 tablespoon of fresh herbs equals 1 teaspoon of the dried variety</i></b>.</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-88368972719632937212015-10-28T20:18:00.001+05:002015-11-07T20:00:27.326+05:00Pomegranate Studded Cheese Ball With Crispy Sage & Nuts<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d_jL8EjiEbA/VjDl0XD8TMI/AAAAAAAAECE/Kc0NHmj_GaY/s1600/IMG_8857.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="425" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-d_jL8EjiEbA/VjDl0XD8TMI/AAAAAAAAECE/Kc0NHmj_GaY/s640/IMG_8857.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I don't know about you guys, but I love the elaborate events…as long as I’m not the one hosting. When in charge of the festivities, though,I prefer the sophistication of simplicity. Six friends, comfy couches, small plates; slam-dunk! But a celebration does call for a bit a bang and a whole lot of indulgence.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">This pomegranate-studded cheese-ball hits the mark on all counts and is dressed to totally impress. Plus, it’s a delicious way to be a knock-out host. Tart, sweet, ruby red pearls of pomegranate encase a sublime combination of tangy, creamy cheese, nutty sage-infused butter, and slivers of crunchy toasted almonds. Heaven, I tell you!</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So the next time you pull out your cheese platter, remember to think beyond the wedge.</span><br />
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<b><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/10/pomegranatecheeseball.html#recipe" name="recipe" target="_blank">Pomegranate-Studded Cheese Ball With Crispy Sage & Nuts</a> (6-8 servings)</span></b><br />
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<span style="font-family: "courier new" , "courier" , monospace;">2 tablespoons butter<br />
10 fresh sage leaves (or other herbs of your choice)<br />
1 (8-ounce) package cream cheese, softened<br />
4 ounces mascarpone cheese**, softened<br />
6 ounces freshly grated cheddar cheese<br />
1/2 cup slivered, toasted almonds (or other nuts of your choice)<br />
1/4 teaspoon salt<br />
1/4 teaspoon pepper<br />
1 cup fresh pomegranate seeds<br />
Crudités, crackers, nuts for serving</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">** Mascarpone Cheese Substitute: If you can’t find mascarpone cheese, substitute by combining 8 ounces cream cheese, 1/4 cup cream, and 2 1/2 tablespoons sour cream. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Over a medium heat, melt the butter in a frying pan and when it starts to sizzle, add the sage leaves, frying until the sage is crispy. It takes about a minute per side and be sure to flip the leaves for even cooking.Remove the sage leaves from the pan and drain on a paper napkin to crisp them up. Reserve the butter.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In a large bowl, add the softened cream cheese, mascarpone, and cheddar and beat with an electric mixer until combined. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Add the nuts, crispy sage leaves, reserved butter, salt, and pepper, mixing on a low speed until just combined. Over-beating can result in a light, airy mixture that’s too soft to shape into a ball.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Empty the contents of the bowl onto a sheet of cling wrap and slowly begin to pull up the corners of the plastic, gently pushing the mixture into the center to shape it into a ball. Don’t worry if the shape doesn’t look perfect. Stick it in the fridge for 30 to 45 minutes to firm the cheese up a little and then reshape for a smoother, rounder ball. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">While you’re waiting, spread the pomegranate seeds in a single layer on a paper napkin to drain the excess juices. Skipping this step is tempting, but it can result in unsightly red liquid dripping and staining the cheese and your platter. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Remove the cheese-ball from the fridge and retouch the shape if needed. Then roll the ball around in the pomegranate seeds, gently pressing them into the cheese to make sure they stick. Then use the remaining pomegranate to fill in any cracks and crevices. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Serve with crackers and crudités. </span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-28065570167835159902015-10-15T00:20:00.000+05:002015-11-03T15:27:49.586+05:00Food Blogging 101: The 13 Dos & Don'ts You Need To Know<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">With Hunger & Haw Hai's third birthday is coming up next month, it’s been a few years into blogging now, and after poring over stacks of books, researching endlessly for advice, following a legion of food blogs, freelancing for a couple of publications, and keeping Hunger & Haw Hai afloat, I’m still nowhere near tech-ninja status, but I’ve definitely learned a thing or two along the way.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">It hasn’t all been useful or practical or easy to decipher — damn you, Javascript. And plenty of it has just been plain redundant and vague — “write great content” — why thank you, Captain Obvious. But there are a couple of pointers that I’ve found indispensable as I fumbled my way through. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I love these tips for a couple of reasons.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">For one, they apply whether you’re a rookie or a food blogging savant. Plus, these guidelines as just as effective at getting you started as they are at keeping you going. And, finally, because I find myself referring to them over and over again when I need direction.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I’m not going to bore you with the basics. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you’re reading this, you probably already understand the importance of your blog’s visual appeal, and you get that posting regularly keeps readers engaged, and you know the struggle of precisely angling that fork to get the perfect photo. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Instead, I’m going chalk out what’s worked for me.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Check out the slick infographics below (cobbled together with my fantastical Photoshopping skills, thankyouverymuch) for a quick rundown of the 13 food blogging dos and don’ts you absolutely <i>need</i> to know.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Personally, writing is where I struggle most. It can be a tedious and mind-numbing task, especially when I’m attempting to work my way through a particularly stubborn block. And with more and more bloggers favoring photos over the written word, it seems like Instagrammer’s rule the online world, but don’t underestimate <a href="http://www.apexpr.com/value-editorial-content/" target="_blank">the impact of well-crafted editorial content</a> just yet. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I have no technical training, so my photography skills constantly need to be brushed up. I say that because polishing your technique can be tricky — ISO, white balance, rule of thirds, aperture, wait, what? There is some good news, though. Most of what I’ve learned has come from limitless trial and error, and despite the anger and frustrated tears, if I compare the quality of the photos I take now to those I took back when I first started out, the difference is definitely noticeable. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There’s a saying in marketing circles “You can’t buy it if you don’t know it exists”. In other words, don’t waste time waiting to be discovered. Truth is, no matter how fabulous your stories are or how splashy those photos look, no one’s going to come knocking at your blog if they don’t know who you are, what you do, and where to find you. And remember, the internet has reduced the human attention span down to mere milliseconds, so prep yourself to post plenty of periodic reminders. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Just remember that blogging elements are interwoven. They play off of one another, build on each other, and depend on the others to create a consistent and cohesive blog.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: trebuchet ms, sans-serif;">Until next time, happy blogging, babies!</span></div>
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<i><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Got questions about food blogging? Having a hard time finding answers? Shoot me a comment below and I’ll try my best to dig up some solid info for you. </span></i></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-57641676924815606402015-09-29T22:31:00.000+05:002015-09-30T16:50:55.721+05:00The Moment of Truth : And The Winners Are...<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">When I started planning <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank">The Outrageous Eid Giveaway</a>, I just thought it’d be a fun way to bounce back from <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/2015/08/minibresaolatarts.html" target="_blank">my blogging break</a>. Besides, Eid was around the corner and I’ve had such a warm welcome back that I needed to show you guys some love too. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Actually, scratch that. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I wanted to show you some BIG LAHV and, so, what began as an idea for a one single giveaway, with one single sponsor, and one single prize, sort of snowballed, taking on a life of its own.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I was hell-bent on handpicking my sponsors, only wanting to include places and products that I absolutely adore and would personally endorse. Well, thanks to my superior stalking skills, relentless stubbornness, luck, and, of course, the incredible generosity of all my <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank">amazing sponsors</a>, what I ended up with was <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank">a mix of the hottest hangouts, most exciting eateries, and some of the most gorgeous tableware</a> between Lahore, Karachi, and Islamabad. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Several weeks of burning the midnight oil and running around like a headless chicken —totally worth it.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I knew it’d be exciting, I hoped you’d be enthusiastic, and, God, you all killed it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">With close to 1000 entries flooding <a href="http://www.instagram.com/hungerandhawhai" target="_blank">Hunger & Haw Hai’s Instagram account</a> and <a href="http://www.facebook.com/hungerandhawhai" target="_blank">Facebook page</a> over the past two weeks, The Outrageous Eid Giveaway truly was outrageous, and I hope you enjoyed the rollercoaster ride as much as I did. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Finally, thank you, thank you, thank you, from the bottom of my angsty little heart, for being a part of it all. Thank you for all the love. Thank you for tuning in.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">And now, the moment of truth…</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Drum roll, please.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Congratulations to all the super duper lucky winners of The Outrageous Eid Giveaway! Enjoy those outrageous prizes!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Toodles, kittens.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">xoxo</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-55996157552019480532015-09-28T20:47:00.003+05:002015-09-28T20:53:41.686+05:00The Poached Pear: Getting Creative In The Kitchen<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial;"><b>PHONE</b>:</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: Verdana;">0331-7327333</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You can also find The Poached Pear on</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';"> </span><a href="http://facebook.com/GetPeared" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">Facebook</a></span></div>
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TVc0bMMfGBk/VgliVjiqMPI/AAAAAAAADzY/N6wmUIe3_xM/s1600/ThePoachedPearGiveawaySmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-TVc0bMMfGBk/VgliVjiqMPI/AAAAAAAADzY/N6wmUIe3_xM/s1600/ThePoachedPearGiveawaySmall.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Last year, I was lucky enough to swing by the legendary <a href="http://dominiqueansel.com/" target="_blank">Dominique Ansel Bakery</a> in SoHo, New York — birthplace of the <a href="http://dominiqueansel.com/cronut-101/" target="_blank">cronut</a> and home to some of the most <a href="http://dominiqueansel.com/products-page/online-boutique/" target="_blank">modern takes on classic desserts</a> in the world — the experience was magical. But it isn’t just a novelty confection or a fun twist on some oldies that gives this bakery its edge. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Behind the counters of the tiny open-kitchen, a team of intensely involved and creatively talented bakers and pastry chefs are constantly pushing boundaries to create delectable new knock-outs to keep customers coming back. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">That’s the real secret to Dominique Ansel’s success.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sorry, <a href="http://www.magnoliabakery.com/" target="_blank">Magnolia</a>, you’ve been banking on those cupcakes for 15 years. Change it up.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://facebook.com/GetPeared" target="_blank">The Poached Pear</a></span> launched it’s experimental kitchen in Karachi last year and, since then, there’s been no looking back for Masala TV star and owner, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/Chefyasha" target="_blank">Chef Yasha Siddiqi</a>. Relying heavily on customer feedback, the team at The Poached Pear is well-known for endlessly tweaking and refining recipes, creating a careful selection of sumptuous, mouth-watering desserts that fly off the shelves. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">The Fresh Fruit Pavlova, clouds of perfectly soft, chewy meringue, generous dollops of whipped cream, crowned with gorgeous seasonal fruit, is their best-seller, the rich Belgian chocolate and salted caramel tart is to die for, and their recently introduced brownies with mint white chocolate sound totally tempting. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In fact, The Poached Pear has been such a hit that what was Initially launched as an order-based service is now expanding into their first full-service brick-and-mortar bakery location, slated to open soon.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Looks like someone’s killing it with their dessert-game.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For your chance to WIN a decadent signature Banoffee Pavlova from <a href="http://facebook.com/GetPeared" target="_blank">The Poached Pear</a>*, don’t forget to enter <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 46, 238); color: #551a8b;">The Outrageous Eid Giveaway</span></a>, happening on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hungerandhawhai/photos/a.10151270787304061.487923.370801384060/10153625283984061/?type=3&theater" target="_blank">Facebook</a>. Giveaway closes Friday, 25 September 2015 at 11:59 pm (PST). Open to residents of Karachi only.</span></div>
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*Prize generously sponsored by The Poached Pear.</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">THE POACHED PEAR</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: <i>Coming Soon (</i>Karachi, <i>By Order Only)</i></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>PHONE</b>:0331-7327333</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';">You can also find The Poached Pear on </span><a href="http://facebook.com/GetPeared" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS';" target="_blank">Facebook</a></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-38594490731331211502015-09-26T20:39:00.000+05:002015-09-28T20:41:23.073+05:00The Lahore Social: To Indulgent Evenings<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: 37 A-2 Gulberg III, Mian Mehmood Kasuri Road, Lahore</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">PHONE</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">: 042-35773142</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">You can also find The Lahore Soc</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ial on</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><a href="http://facebook.com/thelahoresocial" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Facebook</a></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Fine dining. I’m not a fan of that term. It makes me nervous with its implications of dated rules and stiff decorum and six types of forks at my table setting. Also, thanks to restaurant industry egos, the phrase has been thrown around fast and loose, becoming more synonymous with price points and pretentious venues than any kind of actual dining experience.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Forget the fireworks, I say.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">An attentive wait-staff, an interesting menu prepped using quality ingredients, and the kind of thoughtful, comfortable ambiance that makes me want to stick around long after dessert — that’s what modern fine dining should be about. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="font-kerning: none; text-decoration: underline;"><a href="http://facebook.com/thelahoresocial" target="_blank">The Lahore Social</a></span> quietly opened it’s doors to Lahoris last year and, since then, it’s become the hangout du jour for anyone who wants to see and be seen, but it’s not just the eye-candy that keeps people coming back.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Maybe it’s the sweet, pillowy brioche, baked fresh every day, served still warm from the oven. Or it might have something to do with that beautiful caramelized peach salad studded with salty-sweet candied walnuts or the delicate hand-made crab ravioli. Personally, I’m convinced it’s the deep, rich, criminally decadent chocolate nemesis cake, made with Valrhona chocolate, served with vanilla flecked creme anglaise. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I guess I’ll have to keep going back if I want to figure it out. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Besides, a table full of fantastic food I didn’t have to prepare, a couple of close friends, and a lazy, lingering meal — that’s an evening well spent.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For your chance to WIN THE MOST INDULGENT COFFEE & DESSERT FOR TWO AT <a href="http://facebook.com/thelahoresocial" target="_blank">THE LAHORE SOCIAL</a>*, don’t forget to enter <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 46, 238); color: #551a8b;">The Outrageous Eid Giveaway</span></a>, happening on Facebook. Giveaway closes Friday, 25 September 2015 at 11:59 pm (PST). Only open to residents of Lahore. </span></div>
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*Prize generously sponsored by The Lahore Social. </span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">THE LAHORE SOCIAL</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: 37 A-2 Gulberg III, Mian Mehmood Kasuri Road, Lahore</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>PHONE</b>: 042-35773142</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You can also find The Lahore Social on </span><a href="http://facebook.com/thelahoresocial" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Facebook</a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-31001147679147917732015-09-21T16:17:00.000+05:002015-09-22T00:09:34.276+05:00The Warehouse by Burning Brownie: Simple Food Done Right<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><b style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ADDRESS</b><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;">: Shop No. 3, Block 13, Jinnah Super, Main Bhittai Road, F-7, Islamabad</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You can also find The Warehouse on</span><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"> </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewarehousebb?fref=ts" style="-webkit-text-stroke-width: initial; font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Facebook</a></span></div>
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oeBIzkby8II/Vf_mWkqJRwI/AAAAAAAADyo/wiW32NnQ71c/s1600/BurningBrownieGiveawaySmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-oeBIzkby8II/Vf_mWkqJRwI/AAAAAAAADyo/wiW32NnQ71c/s1600/BurningBrownieGiveawaySmall.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Compared to the constant bustle of Lahore, Islamabad can come off as a sleepy little city, but if you haven’t visited in a while, you should know it’s definitely not what it was 20 years ago — the land of Jinnah Super and Pappasallis. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">In fact, over the years I’ve found plenty of reasons to fall in love with the Capital. Tree-lined boulevards, cozy neighborhood markets, beautiful weather, all set against the majestic backdrop of the Margalla Hills. Unlike it’s crazier cosmopolitan cousins, Karachi and Lahore, though, where food is at the forefront, Islamabad rarely generates culinary buzz and, so far, the vast majority of my dining experiences in Isloo have been underwhelming. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">But every city’s got its secret spots, right?</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><a href="http://facebook.com/BurningBrownie" target="_blank">Burning Brownie</a> unassumingly categorizes itself as a coffee shop/ bakery, but let’s call a spade, a spade. With zero compromise on ingredients — hello, Valrhona and custom-roasted coffee beans — a technically talented team, and young-gun owner Ammar Mumtaz’s endless enthusiasm, it’s actually become one of Islamabad’s hottest destinations for delectable desserts and customized confections. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">With an impressive selection of coffees, their copious use of intensely rich, top quality chocolate, and a range of killer cakes, brownies, pastries, and sweet nibbles, it’s no surprise. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">More recently, <a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewarehousebb?fref=ts" target="_blank">The Warehouse</a>, a Burning Brownie offshoot with a savory slant, opened its doors to Islooites. The concept? Simple food done right, a highly neglected niche I wish more restaurants would explore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Simple food might sound like an easy A, but a small menu leaves little wiggle room for errors, and like Burning Brownie, the quest for perfection at The Warehouse is relentless.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Burgers cooked sous vide to a juicy medium, topped with garlic aioli, served with crispy thick-cut fries. Perfectly toasted roast beef paninis with red pesto. Bold, rich rasmalai cheesecake drizzled with cardamon-infused caramel. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Delicious!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">A big, fat burger and a slice of criminally indulgent cake makes everyone a happy camper.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For your chance to WIN A DELICIOUS MEAL AT THE WAREHOUSE (OR) A RICH SIGNATURE CAKE FROM BURNING BROWNIE*, don’t forget to enter <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(4, 46, 238); color: #551a8b;">The Outrageous Eid Giveaway</span></a>, happening on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hungerandhawhai/photos/a.10151270787304061.487923.370801384060/10153616656054061/?type=1&theater" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://instagram.com/p/75uXFhrpOZ/?taken-by=hungerandhawhai" target="_blank">Instagram</a>. Giveaway closes Thursday, 24 September 2015 at 11:59 pm (PST).</span></div>
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*Prize generously sponsored by Burning Brownie & The Warehouse</span></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">THE WAREHOUSE</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: Shop No. 3, Block 13, Jinnah Super, Main Bhittai Road, F-7, Islamabad</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>PHONE</b>:0302-5236995</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">You can also find The Warehouse on </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/thewarehousebb?fref=ts" style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;" target="_blank">Facebook</a></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">BURNING BROWNIE</span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: #66 Beverly Centre, Nazimuddin Road, F/6-1, Islamabad </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>PHONE</b>: 0301-5568918</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">You can also find Burning Brownie on <a href="http://facebook.com/BurningBrownie" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="http://instagram.com/BurningBrownie" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com35tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3367246314319147650.post-67564167862182695712015-09-18T19:03:00.000+05:002015-09-20T22:21:56.581+05:00MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR: Understated Elegance Is The Next Big Thing<div dir="ltr" style="text-align: left;" trbidi="on">
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">ADDRESS</b><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">: Islamabad (</span><i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">By Appointment Only</i><span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">)</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); color: #232323;">You can also find </span>MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); color: #232323;">on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/M%C3%84KAAN-HOME-D%C3%89COR/1410678955834001" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black;">Facebook</span></a></span> and <a href="http://www.instagram.com/Makaan_decor" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.</span></div>
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-54hcOE7ONjM/VfwOnLIO4PI/AAAAAAAADyY/58LxAlEFfeo/s1600/MakaanGiveawaySmall.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-54hcOE7ONjM/VfwOnLIO4PI/AAAAAAAADyY/58LxAlEFfeo/s1600/MakaanGiveawaySmall.jpg" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">I like to keep things simple — wardrobe, relationships, parenting style — but it’s especially important in the kitchen and on the table. Don’t get me wrong. I can appreciate the both the intricacy of delicate hand-painted crockery and the starkness of glaring white serve-ware, but what really gets me giddy is that sophisticated, timeless middle-ground between the two — beautiful basics. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Clean lines, careful craftsmanship, natural materials left as close to their natural state as possible? Elegance that isn’t intimidating or overstated? </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Take my money! Seriously, take all of it!</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">All of <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/M%C3%84KAAN-HOME-D%C3%89COR/1410678955834001" target="_blank">MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR</a>’s ultra-chic home accessories are either personally designed or painstakingly sourced from all over the world, with gorgeous one-of-a-kind urns, stunning hurricane lamps, and sleek candle stands serving as the cornerstones of their carefully curated selection. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">What truly makes my lust-list, though, is MAKAAN’s striking Simply Slated collection, a line of minimalist platters, trays, and coasters carved from natural slate. Impeccably beveled edges cleverly showcase tell-tale layers of the intense grey stone, accented, at most, with gleaming polished metal handles. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Moody, contemporary, versatile. Check, check, and check. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">It’s everything you should be looking for when shopping for serve-ware and table toppers.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">For your chance to WIN AN ULTRA CHIC SLATE CHEESE PLATTER FROM MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR’S <a href="https://www.facebook.com/media/set/?set=a.1421975128037717.1073741832.1410678955834001&type=3" target="_blank">“SIMPLY SLATED” COLLECTION</a>*, don’t forget to enter <a href="http://www.hungerandhawhai.com/search/label/The%20Outrageous%20Eid%20Giveaway" target="_blank">The Outrageous Eid Giveaway</a>, happening on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/hungerandhawhai/photos/a.10151270787304061.487923.370801384060/10153610173094061/?type=1&theater" target="_blank">Facebook</a> and <a href="https://instagram.com/p/72zN5rLpHd/?taken-by=hungerandhawhai" target="_blank">Instagram</a>. Giveaway closes Monday, 21 September 2015 at 11:59 pm (PST).</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">*Prize generously sponsored by MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR </span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR </b></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>ADDRESS</b>: Islamabad (<i>By Appointment Only</i>)</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><b>PHONE</b>: 0300-8443284</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); color: #232323;">You can also find </span>MÄKAAN HOME DÉCOR <span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(35, 35, 35); color: #232323;">on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/pages/M%C3%84KAAN-HOME-D%C3%89COR/1410678955834001" target="_blank"><span style="-webkit-text-stroke-color: rgb(0, 0, 0); color: black;">Facebook</span></a></span> and <a href="http://www.instagram.com/Makaan_decor" target="_blank">Instagram</a>.</span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1